What a roller coaster past few days I had!
Im right now at Narita, Tokyo airport waiting to go home to my family.
I am convinced that being a stewardess is NOT my cuppa tea. yesterdays flight was the longest 13 hours of my ffffreaking life.
And in about an hour and a half, Ill go through another 7 (or 8?). I dont even dare checking my itinerary.
I had to leave my boyfriend on my birthday. And seeing him walking away at the airport was pretty hard. Yes, yes, its only for 2 and a half weeks, but he will not spend christmas and new years eve with me. Though hes pretty cool about it.
Now, for those who didnt wish me happy birthday, shame on you! Didnt you go to friendster & see the wrapped gift icon bliping in front of you by my picture???
Hehehe... just kidding. :P
But, yes, Im old, as old as,... uhm,... 21.
Yes, Im 21 again this year, next year I want to go with 59, coz like my coworker said, if you admit that you are 59, then in a year, youll retire and receive pention money every month.
Hm,....
Interesting.
Oh well... Im bored. Time crawls in an unbelievably slow speed when you are waiting for something.
And if youre wondering why i dont have any single quote marks in this posting, thats because I dont know how to make one. This computer im using in this public waiting room is set to japanese characters. I think Im satisfied enough to even be able to write this blog.
So, for those who celebrate, merry X-mas, happy hanukah, or Kwanza. And if you dont fall into any of those category, well,... congrats on having some days off.

I'm Coming, With 2 Big Luggages Full of Crap

Two more working days for me. Then I'm off to home.
As predicted, I'm going somewhere else after I land my butt home. We're going to Bali, which is not too bad, considering it's only a little bit more than an hour (compared to Hong Kong, around 4 hours).
I'm 95% done packing. I shocked everybody a few days ago when I told them I haven't packed, not a single thing. Then their wave of panic was contiguous enough to make me start packing (and done in a few hours,... thank you very much).
And I also went to the bank to get some crisp, clean, unfolded hundred dollars bill. To get the best rate, the year should be 2003 and up and the serial number should NOT begins with C or DB or DH.
Can you imagine how stupid those rules are?
Unbelievable.
The teller looked at me like I was mental. That was pretty embarrassing.

I only packed less than 10 pieces of clothing, I figured that since we have maids back home, I can just recycle them and wear them over and over again.
But then I called my mom & she start advising me about all the occasions I'll attend and what kind of clothing is appropriate, and now I have about 30 pieces of clothing, for the 13 days I'll be home.
Sigh...
And the shoes,... I'm not even going there.

Next step is to figure out on how I will sleep on the plane.
Thinking about buying some sleeping pills but, not really fond of the idea.
Plan B is to ask the lady in uniform to bring me something strong like vodka or something like that. That might work.

Lastly, prepare myself to face it.

And what is it? (This is so like that Ebay commercial).

It is my lovable, crappy Indonesia.

Lefties Rule!

I don't think I ever reveal that I am a lefty. I eat, cook, write, hit, serve volleyball, brush teeth with my left hand. I only use my right hand to shake hands, use scissor (don't know why I am dexter for that one), dribble a ball and trim my left hand fingernails.
I hate it how the culture in my country always see the right hand to be the superior hand. The left should only be used for cleaning yourself up after you answer 'nature calls'.
I hate it when people asked me, "So, if you are a lefty, then with which hand do you clean after yourself in the restroom."
To be honest, I don't know, because I don't keep track. I guess it depends on which side the toilet tissue is placed.
Another thing that annoyed me so is the manner issue. "Don't use your bad hand when you hand people something. Hand it with your good hand".
What the hell is wrong with all the left hands in this world? Or at least in my home country.
My left hand is a good as the right one.
I really do appreciate my parents who never seem to care which hand I use.
My kindergarten teacher called my mom up for a meeting at school when I was 5 year old. She told my mom that she had been encouraging me to use my right hand. But I kept on using my left one. And every time I, subconsciously, moved the pencil to my left hand, she placed it back to my right one. She also showed my mom my workbook. None of them were finished. My progress was very slow.
My mom only said one sentence to her: "So? Let her use her left hand".
And ever since, I caught up and did just fine.
Another story, my elementary stupid headmistress nun caught me when I held the spoon with my left hand during class break. She, angelically, sat with me and tutored me to use my right hand, I had to finish my stupid lunch struggling with my right hand to get the last pieces of my meal.
Now, I am an adult and no one tells me what to do anymore. I'd like to meet my ex-headmistress and slap her with my left hand. That would be a great pay-off for all the snickers behind me when she 'tutored' me "How to Use Your Right Hand 101".
Too bad I'm not residing in Indonesia anymore, I'd start a Lefty Equality Campaign and gather all the lefties in the country, just to piss the "righteous" righties.

And when I have a kid and she/he is weird in a way, I'd teach him/her just to kick everybody's asses when they try to mold/tell/advise him/her any other way. Be proud of what your quirks are. Never yield to be common and be the same as the rest of the world. Yes, that's what I'm going to tell the kid.

Hi everyone, my name is ***, I'm a road rager.

I just come to realize lately this very bad pattern when I'm driving.

First of all, let me tell you my philosophy when I drive. I'm generous at giving people way. I let people change lane in front of me. As long as they give signal beforehand. That's because I'm jumpy and don't appreciate it when I got scared.

I'm also big at 'the right of way'. I honor those who came to the intersection first, and I will wait and let them pass first. I also yield when I'm going to a bigger street. I don't like it when some bozo just expects me to hit the brake just because they decided to heck with it and cut me.

Lastly, I'm a slow driver. Slow means that I obey the max speed limit. At most I would go 5 miles more than what the sign said. Why? Because I was stopped by a police officer once because I went 52 miles/ hr when I should go 40 miles/hr (thank goodness I could wiggle my way out of it. I know... I'm charming when I try to). Also, I live on the biggest street in the town and there, policemen are constantly hiding behind every single bushes they can find and jump to every car that passes by with speed more than the limit. If I get a dime for every police car I see on my way back and forth to the office, I'd be rich.

So, given my mental situation. It is bad to cut me. I will honk you like crazy and chase you down and give you angry expressions. I consider it very impolite. No manner at all.
So, never cut me.

Once, I was driving on the slowest lane and this car behind me just pass me by and cut me right in front of my nose. I think I know why he did it and that's because I wasn't fast enough. But heck, I was going 40 when the sign said 'speed limit 40'.
If you want to go faster, then be my guess and pass me by. I won't get mad.
But don't pass me by and cut my lane only a few feet way from my car.
That day, I got so mad that I chased him down and not realizing that I already passed my apartment.

Yeah. I'm crazy like that.
It's not recommended though. I turned my boyfriend white the other day when someone cut my lane.

I'm a road-rager.
My temper has always been sort of my weakness. The more I think about it, the more I started to remember all the similar kind of outbursts: like that guy I chased (together with the equally crazy roommate) because he groped my butt, or the bus I chased back home because it hit my dad's car & it attempted to run away (yes, I ran and chased it and hopped into the bus and yell at the driver to stop).
I turned my dad white that day.
Later that night, my dad knocked at my room, came in and hug me and said: "I really really appreciated what you did, Honey, but next time, just let it go, okay?"

So, hi everyone, my name is Bluecactus, and a I'm a road-rager trying to recover.

Snow Dandruff

No 'warm' weather. Cancel 'warm' weather.
We have a snow storm at this very moment and I had the most intense drive back to home today. Only 2.5 miles away from the office, & I got home in about 30-40 minutes of driving.
It's crazy. I wonder how long it takes for my co-worker to drive back to her home on the far south side of Chicago suburb.
And this storm makes me look like I have a serious dandruff problem on my shoulder.
Sigh...
A tropical creature in this weather has the right to be grumpy.

Time for Bikini?

After the freaking cold weather these past days, I heard that we're going to have some warm days. Warm days mean: days in lower forties Fahrenheit.
I can't believe the weatherman announced it as warm.
Should I be happy with 40F and run around in a bikini outside?

I heard Madonna new hit single. I don't like it. I'm old, I can't keep up with the new billboard top 40 or MTV hits. My boyfriend said my taste in music is no longer 'old school'. It has gone totally to 'oldies'.
I think he's right. I think I'd fit in perfectly well in the 50-ies with Ella Fitzgerald and such. But I don't think I can pull the role being a woman in the 50-ies. Plus, wearing a dress daily (sometimes in polka-dot motive variations) with full make-up and heels would freak the crap out of me.

I think I better go to bed. I don't know why I'm up at this hour of the day. This is a school day for crying out loud.
OK, I'm out.

Map on Skimpy Post-It: Bad Idea

Riding in the car yesterday with my boyfriend, I just realized how patient he is as a person.

And I'm trying really hard right now to write this blog without making it corny.
I don't like corny stuff/remarks. I don't like cheesy stuff. Period. That's why in our relationship, I always say "I love you" straight up.
There is no "You are my sunshine, you make me feel like I'm in heaven. With you I learn what love is"
Yeeeeccckkkss!
No offense to the poetic kind out there. But that's just not us.

Anyway, so, yesterday, we went to a Christmas party. And I had the direction ready from yahoo maps. However, long story short, the direction I gave him was like going from San Diego to LA through freaking Las Vegas.
To add on top it, it was snowing, his car almost slipped a few times, I turned white, and the stupid road was full of snow and 5 cars ahead of us was a U-Haul moving truck, crawling at, 18 miles per hour.

But my boyfriend wasn't mad at me for the crappy road I mislead him to.

Oh! And to add on top of the top of it, he was actually not feeling well.

I was so ready to take it from him, because, I thought that, if it were him who gave me the wrong direction. He wouldn't hear the end of it. Yeah! I'm mean like that.

But he was not mad.

Makes me think to gain more patience towards him, coz, I'm a lil bitch who, most of the time, doesn't tolerate.
Yes, that's me.

So, moral of the story.
Get driving direction from yahoo instead of just zooming your map out & draw it on a skimpy post-it.
Get a patient boyfriend, like mine.
He's da bomb.
Two thumbs way up!
I'm cooking the next time he comes by.

My ex-neighbor, Ms. Winfrey

Most people, I think, are really into Oprah and her majesty kingdom.
And maybe I am thought as a fan too, especially since I lived my first years in Oprahdom a.k.a Chicago, and her pointy apartment tower is within walking distance from my apartment.
And I was , actually, in awe of her power and her good deeds and her talk show which doesn't include stupid sessions like 'Who fathered my child: the Ultimate Paternity test' or 'I slept with your sister and I'm going to elope with her'. You know, Jerry Springer-ish kind.
And I like how she does her make-up. I mean her make-up artist does her make-up.
If you've seen her without make-up, you'll know what a major transformation it's been.
Bravo to the make-up artist.
But, nope.
Not a fan.
Do I hate her?
Nooo,... I hate Bush more. I don't cringe when I see her on TV, like I him.
I have this tendency to flip the channel when the person doing the monologue or speech stutters or do a lot of pauses or stare in blank when asked questions.
That's why I don't watch Bush. Because he is getting on my nerves.
But, back to Oprah.
I think, she's just not my cup of tea. I don't understand why she gave all that cars to the people coming to her show, or has sessions like 'Oprah's favorite things' where she would give out expensive stuff to her live audience.
Maybe that's because I'm jealous?
Hehe... that could be it. But I think, I was ticked because with her power, those stuff, or cars can go to a more deserving people, an orphanage or I don't know, anti-cruelty society (my favorite organization).
I've read that her crew picked out the audience carefully for the car give-away, but I also heard that many of them just plain lucky. Have you calculated the tax for the car per person? I read it in an article my boyfriend sent me, it cost each person $7000.
Again, American dollars, not Yen.
I also know that she would call to Newman Marcus before shopping so that the store can be closed and she can shop freely.
Yes, it must be hard being a celebrity.
Like I said, I don't hate her, it's just the petition going on for her to be nominated for Nobel prize is... just absurd.
And her blacklist to some people is just over the top. I can't imagine being angry to Dave Letterman for 16 years. Yes, he is mean at times. But that's his bread and butter. I think Dave mentioned Clinton in much more awful jokes, but he came to his show anyway.
Oprah should chill.
Be more like Ali G.
As he said at the end of his wacky interviews:
Booyakasha!

What? What happened?

HHWWHHHAATTT???!!!
Jessica Simpson is seperated from her husband, Nick Lachey???
What in the heck this world has turned into?
I don't know if I can believe in love anymore.
Hehehe...
Just kidding.

Once my boyfriend finds this out, he'll gloat on how accurate his prediction was: "I'll give them maximum 5 years."
I think I owe him something out of this bet.
Damn it Jessica! Can't you wait for another two years??!

Guess not, huh?

Oh well. Breakups are hard, but with what they have (fame, money, looks, hm,... brain? Nope,.. not brain), they'll rebound quickly.
No worries, Jessica's perfectly dyed blonde hair will still be perfect and Nick's ,.... hm,.. famous pout will still be pouty.
Hollywood goes on.

Hauling my Sanity on Vacation

Oh, Lordy, my mom mentioned today that she wants to take a trip with the whole family (incl. me) when I visit later next month.
One way to home from Chicago cost me about 20 hours of my life. Just sitting there till my a** is sweaty and moldy.
I hate flying.
I hate the food, the seat, the buzzing sound, the tiny restroom, the snoring neighbor, the fact that I have to ding the lady in uniform, just to get a cup of water.
It's always too cold for me, I can't sleep, I can't do anything, but stare at the boring movies... or not.
Can you imagine if I ever took that offer to be a Singapore Airlines Girl?
I don't know what I was thinking. I was smart not to be one.
fiiuuffhh.. that was a close one.

I'm dreading this vacation. Not the destination, just the journey.
So, now that my mom is throwing some ideas to go somewhere while I was there.
I think I fainted for a split second while on the phone with her.
I also think I need to talk to my mom the concept of time: I'll be there for 2 freaking weeks, minus jet lag, 2 days, minus the days I'll spend shopping, that's 5 days, minus the time I'll spend to meet my friends, that's 2 days (I might have to arrange 5 lunch dates in a day, though). I want to spend some time going to the some the classic-must-see places, such as Bandung, and sort. It'll be nice to have around 3-4 days just doing nothing, because that's the whole point of vacation, isn't it?
Then, voila! I have to go back home.
Now, where is the time for me to pack & go to Hong Kong for 4 days?
Oh Lord...

It's turkey massacre holiday again.
I can't turned around and not see a turkey walking around on TV. The hype is almost like the time when Tom Cruise hooked up with that Dawson's Creek chick. All over the media.
Now, isn't that pretty uncomfortable for us to see turkeys walking around, as cartoon, or posing in pictures, in some ads, with wide grin, while, within 48 hours it's going to be our meal?
No?
You don't feel that awkwardness?
Is it just me?
Coz, every time I see a turkey parading back and forth on TV for some commercial, all I think was, "Damn it. Dude, let's not get acquainted. I'm your predator."

I think I was an animal in the previous life before I reincarnated as me, or an animal fairy of some sort. Plus I always think that I should be a vegetarian.

I think I'm in the wrong country. I should be in Tibet eating some freakish looking dishes without meat in it. Just turnip and radish.

Uhm,...

But, hey, you know what, the thought of turkey all of a sudden doesn't sound so bad anymore.

Discrimination is okay?

I came across a job ad a few days ago through my high school mailing list.
This is another thing that I think I have forgotten. How normal it is to put age, gender and marital status as limitation.
Urgently needed:
Yada yada yada...
Technical Support Staff and Supervisor with the following specification:

• Yada yada.. Bachelor of Science in Computer Science
• One year experience minimum in yada yada yada...
• yada yada...
• Hardworker, yada yada...
• Male, older than 25 years old, single (not married yet).
  

I mean,... no offense to the fellow high school friend who posted the ad. I'd imagine that this ad was just copied and pasted from his boss' instruction.
But,... whooaaa... if I were to find a job in Jakarta, and I have the qualification for all the bullet points, but not the last one, then I'm not eligible. Because, God forbid, I will have to get my sex changed to a man.
Isn't that what we call here in the US as the big D?

I remember one time, right after I finished my final project and getting ready to graduate, I actually did apply for a job which requested me to send them a passport-size picture of myself.
I think this kind of things are okay back home, huh?

Now that I look back, it really bothers me.
More over about that ad, which is looking only for single candidates.
Well, tough luck for dudes with rings, then.

I wish there is something to be done about this kind of things. But, I think there isn't.
Like another million things I'd love to see changed back home. I think I'll just have to drop the subject and move on with my life rather than frustrate myself.
I have a job now, and I love it. And I'm not planning to go back home. Well, unless something changes my destiny, then I might.
And if I ever go back & try to find a job. I will pass this kind of ads. Even if I qualified down to the last point.

I might, though, end up writing back to them just to ask: "Dear Sir / Madame, How come that this kind of discriminatory act can pass your judgment and went out to public? Tell me, why does the candidate have to be male, and over 25 year old, and single? Please send me back an answer because I'm itching with desire to send you back an argument for your argument. Sincerely unimpressed, Blue Cactus
P.S. FYI, I'm not interested in the job, with company policy like that, I'll pass. However, please do reply back to me regarding the above question."

And of course, I'll put my real name there.

Chances are, I won't get anything back from them.
But I hope, they'll be as bothered by my email as I am by the ad right now.

I'm going home!

I'm going home!
It been too many blue moons passed by since I set my foot on the dirty, old Jakarta. And I've been eating too many cheese burgers that I can't stand it anymore. And I've been speaking too much English that I don't know squat about Indonesian slang.
Plus the layering of my hair is not nicely structured, I've been missing Hanky Tandayu all this time.
I've been missing my dogs that I start looking at all types of dog food & tried to decide what kind I should buy and bring home for them.

I wonder if I'd cringe & hang on tight to my seat as I ride along the traffic of Jakarta.
Which, by the way, reminds me of that song "New York, New York" that said if you can make it there you'll make it anywhere. That's bull crap, I challenge New Yorkers to drive in Jakarta. They'll have a heart attack.
I miss 3 years of my nephews lives. For all I know they might have their driver licence by now and drive around in their dads' cars, picking up chicks.
Oh, Gosh, I think just I had my first heart attack.

I heard about all the new shopping malls and wonder if I can ever conquer the quest to visit every single one of them in 24 hours.
I also wonder if I can dig Indonesian music. And watch the local soap opera programs for a full hour without giggling, not even once. And restrain the urge to mock the story line, or the characters, or the dialog, or just simply the stupid title.
I know for sure though, that I won't be reading the newspapers. Because I know I still think that the goverment sucks and they can just kiss my a**. And I don't want to upset myself and feel humiliated by all the stupid decisions my country leaders have been making to my beloved land.
Anyway,...
Right now, it's 20 F out there, or about -5 C, but I can feel the hot, sticky, air of Jakarta as I gave my travel agent my credit card number.
It costs me twelve-freaking-hundred dollars.
Yes, American dollars.
Not Yen.
Still, my heart is humming: Joy... joy... joy...

Stupid Lady Bug

Stupid lady bug crawling up my calf. I almost killed her had I not known that it's not a baby cockroach.
I saw her since morning but I didn't have the heart to kill her.
So, now we're sharing the bathroom (that's where she was at when she was crawling up my calf).
So as the punishment, she was my guinea pig for my super macro zoom on my camera.
True, I don't care about insects. I'm a bit phobic actually, but I guess, I can co-exist with this one leg-crawler. It's cold outside. I have considered trapping her in a jar or something & put her outside, but I wonder if I'd just be killing her instead.
Anyway, so... sigh... yes, she can stick around. I just don't know if I should provide her some kind of meal for her.
What does she eat anyway?
Is she a vegetarian?
By the way, she just fled by my head.
I hate flying insects.
We need to talk. Me and her.
And why is she following me to the other side of the room anyway?
She is stupid indeed.

Sigh...

But I don't want to kill her.
Now she's crawling on my desk.
Man...
Why did she have to choose my window.
Stupid bug.

Should I name her too?

Scarlett O'hara

I have decided a name for my car. It's Scarlett O'hara. Yes, my car is Irish.

Promotion... promotion

I got promoted!!!!
I'm so tired.
I really wonder how those women do it. Those who have families (husband, kids, mother-in-law maybe, dogs, cats, fish whose tank needs to be cleaned every so often).
I think they have super-power, because I, myself, living alone in a reasonably sized apartment, no husband yet, no pets, and I'm tired.
I've been struggling with myself lately, whether it is good to bring work home and do work on weekends, when all I want to do is just sleep all through the day.
Apparently though, it pays off & I got promoted.
But I'm so tired.
Too many times I read here and there that capricorns super ambitious people, and I don't believe in horoscope. But that one feels so right.
Or is it not the astrology speaking, but more of my obsessive compulsive mind which never lets me rest unless everything is right in its place, or completely done & finished, and that twitch to make everything perfect before I can stop fixing thing? Including my work, which I never feel satisfied of.
Strangely, my boss told me that I am one of the most diligent, absorbent, bright employee he have ever had for as long as he can remember.
"I wish we can have 10 more of you."
I smiled and said thank you, but my mind just felt so tired I felt I can drop dead anytime soon.
I need my sleep, well, actually I need an extra brain and another set of hands, but a good night sleep will do too.

Sweet Insurance

My sweet boyfriend took care of my new car insurance.
He called me yesterday, all of a sudden realizing that that car could have a slight higher rate simply because it's a 'fast' car.
I didn't think of it. Damn it.
But, it's okay, slowly I begin to feel totally infatuated to it - though it's not red, like I always dreamt it would be. Besides, though I'm broke, I take pride on the ownership. I paid it from my own check, down to the very last penny.

Then my boyfriend called me today and let me know how much the insurance will cost me. Not bad, to be honest. Well, it's kind high, but I have expected it would. Still, it's lower then his first insurance rate. I asked him, how can that be?
Well, honey, because the rate for women is lower than for men.
Apparently, there is justice in this world.

However, in my case, little did the insurance guy know, I drive crazier than most men. That's why I now always keep my speed low, coz, God knows what will happen once I lose focus while driving.
I've run through red lights, stop signs (like two thousand three hundred and seventy eight times), gotten off my lane without realizing, almost run the curb over, used the left lane (for the traffic going to the other direction), and let's not even start on parking. When I make a turn, everything in the car shifted to one side.
Like my boyfriend once said to my best friend "I can't tell you how it feels riding with her, you just have to try it yourself. Everybody, I guarantee you, will have their own unique experience."
What!
Such an insult!
But so true.
But it's still an insult!
Anyway, I'm cutting him some slack, because he's my driving guru.
And you know what they say about like teacher like student.
Maybe this time, it's like student like teacher.
Hahaha...
Just kidding hunny.

My New Car, what should we name her?

I bought a car.
I'm broke but happy.
I have never so happily written a check that much of amount to someone I just met.
It's a Mitsubishi Lancer 2003.
My friend said: What? Isn't that kind racing car type?
I don't know. We'll see. (insert devilish smirk here)

Okay, now, let's name the car. I want a female name and I have come up with:
Celine Dion (that's to drive my boyfriend crazy).
I also like the name her Dori, but I don't want her to be all loopy & forgetful.
Or,... Yoko Ono. I don't know why this time. It's just a funny name, I guess.
I want to name her J-Lo, but her butt is not big enough.
I then remembered Gwyneth Paltrow named her baby Apple and all sorts of fruit names started filling into my head. Watermelon, Grape, Chiquita Banana, Pomegranate, Guava...
Arrrghh...
No!
Not fruit.

What about Cleopatra?
Oh I know!
Sitiliciki
BTW, back to the fruit list, chiquita does sound cute.
Gosh, thank God it's a car, not human.

Any ideas?

A gown without a wedding date

A co-worker said today, "my daughter is getting married. She got the dress, got the ring, was proposed. But they haven't set a date yet."
My my, I thought to myself: Just like me then. Hehe...
They said they'll get married in 2006, but I'm leaning towards 2007.
Again, just like me.
And I just smile there, like a fool, saying nothing but offering a symphatetic face.
I don't talk about my personal stuff & they don't know that I'm actually also taking a halt in the wedding stuff.
Weeding stuff is driving me crazy. By the way, I was (and still am) bombarded by junk emails, offering to cater, do the photography, banquets offers, heck, I don't know what else because I just delete them all together. And when I'm feeling bitchy, I make the extra effort to put the addresses under my blocked email addresses list. I tell ya, it feels soooo good.
If I know which vendor sold out my email address, I will call them & give them a piece of my mind.
Anyway, my co-worker said, yes, my future son-in-law needs to straighten up his act, that's why they postpone.
Why? What happened?
Well, he just the kind of person who doesn't think things through.
Such as?
Well, for example, this summer, he signed up to do the triathlon, but he's never was an athlete.
He paid a hundred bucks for that, then he found a trainer to teach him how to swim.
He couldn't swim.
And he almost drowned on the triathlon day because he couldn't swim against the river stream. People had to drag him out of there.
I tried so hard not to laugh, but I just couldn't.
I know I should NOT laugh at it but how could you not?
Thank God he's okay, but man, that dude is stupid.
Then I thought to myself, well then, his daughter's case is not exactly like mine then.
Cause the reason why we put the wedding in a halt is because we're smart.
And we have our own reasons.
And I quietly smile and went back to my work.

Another one

Another Bomb in Bali.
Stupid, disgusting, bloody terrorists.
I wonder what they'll do once they die and ooops... they find out that they're not going to heaven.

Janet my diva

Confession time.
I love Janet Jackson. I know, I know, boob incident this year is shocking. I mean shockingly gorgeous boob. Huh! just kidding, I really meant it was shocking. I remember screaming and pointing to my TV like a thirteen year old boy. "Haaaaaa...!!!!!"
Thank God I don't have a 7 year-old kid with me. I would've been the one in therapy sessions trying to discuss with the experts how to explain that to the kid.
Anyway, what I meant was Janet 12 years ago. The janet when I was in high school. Singing "that's the way love goes". BTW, I just realize that her album cover that time was also involving her being naked while some guy was coping her boobies. (What is wrrronggg with her???!) But I love her anyway. Just like some giggly girl defending Britney and her love choices.
A few days ago, I was browsing for some CDs and I found her old album: Janet, released in 1993.
Besides feeling completely old and moldy, I felt intrigued to check it out & listen to some of the clips.
Felt like in one of those quantum leap episodes, I was zapped back to my high school uniform and at Aries' yard with some pom-pom (since I was trapped into some bizzare/surreal cheerleading competition, enough said). Also zapped back to the crazy headmistress nun regime. Ah the good old days.
Very old-school. Me with my eyebrows unplugged.
So, I bought the CD. It's not a Jobim, but it's still a great one. She was my diva.
What a sentimental fool, my boyfriend will mock me I know. But that's okay, I always find some counterkick to mock him back. Hah!
So, let me have my CD already.
I'll be waiting by the mailroom door.

The Age Issue

Went with my work buddies for some team luncheon yesterday. I have to say, I applaud where our team is going, the number of female is growing. First it's just the two of us, now it's four. A hundred percent increased in just two months. Not bad.
Viva la estrogen!
As we shamelessly gulped down some juicy avocado rolls (who said that women only ate a little? Huh, what a myth).
The girls played 'guess my age' & let the men talk about work, hurricane, IT world, politics and world peace for a couple of hours.
Anyway, apparently I look about 4-5 years younger than I really am.
Awwww.... how sweet.
Well, actually, this is not the first time I got that kind of comment. When I graduated from my bachelor degree, I spent my no-job-nothing-to-do days going to the beauty salon to do good for nothing stuff. And the manicurist asked me why wasn't I'm at school.
I told her, I just graduated.
"Oh, from high school?"
"No, I just finished my bachelor study"
"Realllyyy??? you look so young"
Anyway, my birthday is coming in a few months. And I'm having cold feet. I know I'm whiny, but, this is the only place I CAN be whiny, simply because I claim ownerhip of this blog, and I can't whine at work, since I'm the youngest one.
So, quoting Joe on Friends on the episode where Rachel hit 30 and Joe was reminded about how old he was: "Whhyyyyy Gooodddd, whhhyyyyy????"

Array of Thoughts

• Today is dark, cloudy, rainy, grey and chilly. I love it! People think I'm weird coz I don't like summer and super bright hot days. I think people are weird for wanting to fry their bodies laying almost completely bare under the sun.
• Finally, I can feel fall is coming and the leaves start turning to yellow. People wear clothes again, the era of bare midriff, and guys without shirts has passed.
  
• I just got my 7-mega-pixel camera a few days ago. Actually, it's our camera (me and my boyfriend), but I got to keep it. Hah! Like two bored people who got nothing better to do, we tried the features there is in it. Including the 'sport' mode which will capture fast movement object. So I jumped up and down and ran back and forth in my apartment to prove it & forever those pictures will never ever be published. (You hear me hunny?!).
• Tomorrow is Monday. Huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....
  

I'm grumpy when sleepy

Been having lack of sleep there past couple of days.
Day one was because mom called in the early morning hour just to chat.
For a morning person like her, 7:30 is way late.
I wake up at 8:30 the earliest (long live my working schedule!!! I love my office hours. Viva my office hours!!). Then I dragged myself to work & forced upon myself a half cup of coffee. Put cream & sugar to make it taste better. Yuck yuck yuck, still tasted like black water.
And it didn't work either!
Never again.
Went home. Tired.
Tried to go to bed early.
But couldn't sleep.
What the heck...?
Quarter life crisis maybe.
Finally fell asleep. After buried myself under pillows.
I beat my alarm this morning. Not because I had enough sleep, but my freakin huge gigantic windows are facing east, and today's weather was "Clear and sunny".
Wore my grey skirt & blue blouse.
Looked at self in the mirror.
Oh great,... it's going to be a bad hair day. Half of my hair flipped to one side while the other flipped to the other.
Tried to tied hair but hair is not long enough.
Gave up.
Whatever.
Ready to go but then remember that my green handbag doesn't match my blue blouse.
*#!@#@$%#@*
Changed handbag.
Run to work.
Work work work work work work, lunch, work work work work.
Went home.
Passed by my mirror. Looked at hair.
Still bad. Feel like shaving my head bald.
Grabbed a magazine. It's last week's TIME magazine.
The headline was New Orleans.
Suddenly, my problems seemed so tiny & trivial and I felt so sad.
Gosh, what an emotional roller coaster. I think I have manic depression disorder.
Or...
hm,...
Maybe just PMS.

My Big Surreal Mexican Wedding

First of all: relax, relax,... I'm just kidding, it's not my wedding. Besides, we're Asian.
I've been debating with myself about how I want to blog my experience yesterday and I came up with at least 6 different kinds of angles and it can take me a whole week to really portrait it, and I have a life.
So, after eating 3 grapes, I have made up my mind and decided to just do the quickest one possible.
My boyfriend told me that he intended to wear a tejana and corbata to blend in with the crowd. I, on the contrary, think that it is not a good idea. I'm not sure if he's joking or not. If he was, then it's funny, but if he's not, then we have a problem.
Anyway,...
When we arrived, the groom was missing, word is that he's out buying some more ice for the drinks. About half an hour later, we saw him with a doly hauling, yes, ice.
For me it was a very weird sight, but, hey, somebody's got to get the ice. And the groom was available.
I guess...
Also, this is the first time I ever see a bride cleaning up dirty plates & busy arranging the food.
The sight was just new for me, and I don't know what to say.
Jumping to the dancing part, I watched really closely as they dance. Super fast tempo they had with full blown la banda (band) and it seemed like the groom was dilligently trying to stomp on the bride's feet, but then she skillfully jump to the side (or the back or, whereever). Then all of a sudden, I thought, heeeyyy... wait a minute, that is how my boyfriend do his silly dance.
And at that very moment, (swear to God) my boyfriend leaned towards me & said "Now you know where I picked up those dance moves."
Sigh,...
Oy...

"Celine Dion critized President Bush for his slow response to Hurricane Katrina. Celine said, 'I could have driven everyone out of the city in two songs'"
-Conan O'Brien

I Have Wiiings!!!

I should have bought this wings I found at a clothing store. It's a bit small but it'll do.
Wonder what my coworkers & boss say if I wear this on Halloween.
Just kidding. I still want to be employed.
I wonder if I can find myself a halo to go with it too.
I already have the devil horn & tail that I wore in the past years. Which by the way fit me just great.
Maybe it's time for a joke & wear the wings & halo.
Yeah... being an angel might be the way to go this Halloween.
I'll think about it, though... my boyfriend might have a problem walking by my side on that day. (Let alone walking by my side the entire day, he had problem taking this picture. But being a good boyfriend that he is, he did anyway. Hahaha... )

Bird Dropping

A bird pooped on me!
There gotta be something good coming my way after all the hassle cleaning up while my obsessive-compulsive mind kept on screaming:
"Arrrgghhh...."
"Arrrgghhh........"
"ARRRGGHH......"

Who? Handsome? Where?

I called my mom a couple of days ago, as we're chatting about stuff she suddenly said to me:
Mom: "hey, do you remember Aunt Yvonne?
Me: "Who?"
Mom: "Aunt Yvonne, Aunty Lynn's cousin"
Me: "Hm,... Mom, Aunty Lynn, I know, but I ain't know nothing about Aunt Yvonne"
Mom: "Tsk, you know her, she's the chatty aunt from your cousin Jenny's wedding, she has two sons, the second one is as old as you, just a few months older"
Me: "Two sons? Hm,... "
At this point, some very vague flashbacks about Jenny's wedding all came rushing back to me. Fiiuffh.. that's a quite labor-demanding wedding that one. Just cause her future in-laws very strickly stuck on the old tradition with all the super jaded ceremonies which inquired presence of family members, a lot. Multiple times. Which made me -as a participant- had to buy multiple outfits too.
Anyway, I remembered a chatty, skinny, cheery aunt. That's gotta be the one. And the two sons... eh... maybe I know them.
Me: "Do I know the sons?"
Mom: "Don't you remember? Aunt Yvonne has two sons, the eldest one is less attractive, a bit shorter than the second one. The second one is quite handsome & tall too. The second one had a huge crushed on you. Remember?"
What?
Me: "What?"
Mom: "He kept on asking about you during all those ceremonies we had."
He did?
Me: "He did?"
Me: "How come it seems like I'm the only one who doesn't know this?"
Mom: "Well, maybe you just forgot about this, I think you did know, he was asking about you to all of your cousins."
Me:"Then, if he's handsome, how come I don't like him back? Are you sure it's the handsome one? Not the other one?"
Mom: " I think you're about to go to Chicago for school, Dear, so I guess you were just not interested in being involved with any guy. Yes yes, the second one, same birth year as yours"
Oh yeaa.... that guy. Yea yea... I remember a big guy in a tux.
I think he looked quite nice too. But I don't remember quite much about him.
This is so disturbing. My brain cells.
Me: "Uhm yeah, okay, so whazzup with aunt Yvonne?"
Mom: "Her son is getting married next week and our family is invited"
Me: "Huh? Which one?"
Mom: "The second one, the one who had a huge crush on you"
Me: "See, Mom, are you sure that it's the second one that had a crushed on me? Maybe it's the other one."
Mom: "No, I'm sure, Dear, I asked Aunty Lynn when she called me the other day: which son? Is it the one that had a huge crush on ******** (fill my real name here)? Aunty Lynn said yes, that's the one"
Oh, For Zeus sake, everybody, like, E.V.E.R.Y.B.O.D.Y knew?
Ugh... this conversation disturbs me on many levels:
a. I don't like the idea of everybody knowing something about me that I don't. Especially, this kind of thing. My personal bubble is huge, y' know.
b. My mom has better memory than me.
c. My mom is almost 60. And still she has better memory than me ("yes yes, same birth year as you") I mean... w.o.o.o.w!
c. Just realized that I'm old. Jenny's wedding was four freaking years ago. Makes me even more nervous about my next birthday.
d. That supposedly handsome guy... who is he? What's going on here?
Though on the lighter note, I'm happy for the supposedly handsome guy. Wedding is a big thing. I hope he provides unlimited supply of grilled lamb, my dad loves it and he does eat a lot.

A Doofus Hunk - Oximoron? Who cares....

Watched Wimbledon last week. I didn't think that I'd like it but apparently I enjoyed it. Though Ebert & Roeper only gave it 1 thumb up, but to be noted that the thumb down from Roeper is a 'reluctant thumb down'. So, it was almost a two thumbs up.
I know that some chick-flicks really tick me off, but this one I like. I'm not going to review it, though, because I'm lazy. I'm just gonna say Kirsten Dunst made what looks like a very delicious smoothie when she's furious. (You have to see it to know what I mean). Hehe... (wicked laugh).
I also don't like pale guys, and Paul Bettany is pallleee (as casper) & blond. So blond that you almost can't see his eyebrows. Look,... look at the picture. Almost no eyebrows.
But the story-line made him fall into category 'cool guy', an almost-hunk even. Maybe I'm weird, I like down to earth guy and I don't like bad-ass guys. They're a waste of time. And I kinda like dufus guys too. And that's why I'm falling for the character, though the pale actor playing it would definitely fall out of my category of a hunk.
I even ignored the fact that many of the scenes involving the character being all sweaty, which in my obsessive-compulsive little twisted mind is actually categorized as: 'GROSSSSS!!!'. (Again, see the picture, look at his arm).
So, rent it! Or buy the pirated one, or.., borrow.. whatever. And tell me if I'm right. Dufus guys are the best bet.

New Layout! Hooraayy!

The layout is new!
Hoorraaayy!
Now, that i have completely wasted my time on this when I can do laundry, do some work-related stuff and a thousand other things, I thought I might waste it some more by taking a nap.
Ah.. what a nice Sunday.

Oh btw, I went to a park yesterday & took some pictures with my boyfriend.
Who knew that I am an outdoor gal, huh?



Certainly not me.

But it was very enjoyable & I found a tree with humongous tumor, I just have to share it with you all.
There was also a spot full of flowers, and bees!
How many legs does a bee have? I didn't count, but they looked scary. I was eating cotton candy and I swear on Coki's ashes (Coki is my belated dog), one obnoxious bee just kept on chasing me & I literally had to run around avoiding it. So not cool.
Damn bee!
Anyway, more later, gotta get that nap.

I booed Jimi

Today I boo-ed Jimi Hendrix.
My boyfriend put him on & I got headache just listening to it.
So I booed him.
Guess he's just not my cup of tea.

P.S. I made up my mind. I'm gonna take my pictures away from the blog. So say your goodbyes in a couple of day, or maybe in a couple of hours if I'm not lazy, It's gone. Phouff... just like dust.

Shortest Personality Test

Whoooa,...
No kidding, it really IS the shortest test I have to take.
And if judging others with a harsh eye means being bitchy, then YES! This test is pretty damn accurate too.

BTW, have you ever had 3 meetings in a day? I guess for today 3rd one is the charm, eh?

You are pure, moral, and adaptable. You tend to blend into your surroundings. Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends. You believe that you live a virtuous life... And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye. As a result, people tend to crave your approval.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Life Sans Supervisor

After my supervisor was let go¹ I found my eight hours per day seems to fly by like a snap.
Is that a good thing?
Is that a bad thing?
I don't know. I guess that's a good thing.
But I know this: I sleep well at night. Not because I've achieved everything that I think I should achieve (which is total world domination, obviously). But because I'm tired. And I know this too: That I can manage being a trainee and trainer, have meetings, log documentations, do some research for my boss, have lunch, check on how the new person's doing, do reports, all on top of my usual job routine, then go home, clean my apartment up, call my mom to the other side of the world for an hour and a half and still able to be excited to talk about stuff, reply some emails, pay bills, while cooking oxtail soup and do some self studing at night before I helplessly fall to sleep.
Wait a minute.
For sobbing out loud,... I think I need to workout too. It's been ages since I workout.
Now, would 1 AM sounds like a good time?
Let me write it down on a post-it or something.
Oh, forget it.


¹ --Carter Duryea: I'm gonna have to let some people go.
Dan Foreman: Why do you say let them go? They don't WANT to go. Why don't you just say fire them?
Carter Duryea: Because it sounds better.
Dan Foreman: Not to the person getting fired it doesn't.
--In Good Company--

Haircut

I found a nice sensible person who can sensibly cut my hair.
*Happy, happy, joy, joy*
I'm very picky about who cut my hair and how it should be cut.
My boyfriend said I'm obsessed.
I said: Hey, I just know precisely what I want.
And yesterday. I cut it about 2 inches shorter. I told her what I wanted, and that's a lot (please-dont -use-razor-to-do-the-layering-of-my-hair,... inhale.... I-like-it-this-long-and-also-dont-touch-my-bangs, inhale... my-hair-is-wavy-so-please-dont-start-the-layer-to-short, heeeep,... orI'll-look-like-a-giant-mushroom, inhale... i-like-this-picture-but-I-notice-that-this-has-got-to-be-done-by-razor,... inhale,... doyouthinkyoucanstickwithsctissorinstead?)
But she passed the test.
Wheeww,... I hate my long hair (the term long for me is just a little bit below my shoulder).
*Happy, happy, joy, joy*
Gee,...
hm,... come to think of it,
I am kinda obssesed.

Bunny Girls

I saw a reality show a few days ago about Playboy girls. I think it is called girls next door (or something like that). I think y'all know what it's all about huh? And thinking about girl next door. It's very unlikely that people can relate with the term girls next door and find the girlfriends of Hugh Hefner walking around. Take example: Me. My girl next door is a 80-something year old girl.
You see, I’m a bitch when I want to. Like the bumper sticker that my roommate gave me “I can go from 0 to bitch in 2.5 seconds”. Yep that’s me.
But I always try not to be critical about other people’s lives even if I would rather be caught dead than living their way of life, per se.
And there I was, bored and sleepy on my couch. And what else can a girl do but wash dishes OR be a couch potato?
I, of course, choose the later one. Dishes will just have to wait.
This show was, hm,… interesting. In the midst of it, I found myself feeling (in my tiny apartment, no chef, no maid, no filthy rich boyfriend, no mansion, no limo, no red carpet premieres) damn lucky for not living those girls lives.
No thanks.
Sharing one wrinkly old guy who wears a silk robe everywhere he goes (and one of the girls even share her bed with him,…. Everybody, together say it with me: Eeewwwwww!!!!), sharing mansion with other girls, calling themselves the girlfriends of Hugh Hefner.
Hohohoho…
I’m sorry girls. No, there’s no sympathy when you shed your tears because you have not made it to Playboy centerfold. Seriously. No kidding.
And I just laughed out loud when one them said that she knows that people call them bimbos and gold-diggers, but… they are not. They are not Hugh girlfriends for the money.
Honey, you can be stupid, bimbo, gold-digger and whatever it is that you want to be. I would have had more respect to you if you said you were.
At least I will respect your honesty.
It is funny how I react to that show, thinking that I'm not a feminist nor that I claim to be, but having this urge inside to yell at the TV: "That is a flat-out lie! You are a bimbo! At least admit it with pride. Do something with your life. FYI, there's a world out there outside the mansion!"
Sigh...
I guess I better of sticking with the West Wing and C.J. Craig.
That show is just not for me.

Therapeutic Chatting

This is late. And I'm tired. I should've gone to sleep but I just don't feel like getting ready to bed just yet.
Boyfriend has gone back to his kingdom with his chariot & called me about an hour ago to let me know that he's almost home. I bet he's dozed off by now.
I chatted with almost a half dozen of people today. All on almost different time slots. They all brought different news. One friend told me that downtown is still fun. Yup, I figure it still is.
Others told me that a famous singer back home apparently has six wives, which is completely gross (I’m thinking of putting all bold capital letters on the word gross, but I think people will get it how gross it is anyway). And a bunch of other insider stories about stupid guys (that's for another post).
I talked to my dad, who's about to buy me a yellow cell-phone casing & ship it to me. I told him: Dad! No! No yellow or Orange. In whatever stuff you’re going to buy me. Please...
Wheewww... so glad he called me before purchasing.
Another friend, my roommate, is going back to school and was bitching out about student life... ah... the stinking old days. Good luck, Roomie!
Though she's no longer is my roommate, I like to always refer her as one. I don't think there will be chance for me to have another roommate. So she'll be the only one, ever, beside my family that ever sees how freaky I look like after waking up in the morning. And she might the only one to appreciate how fast I transformed in the morning & ran out to work.
Another friend has women issue. I basically told him, he'll always have that issue. There's no way out. So, deal with it.
That's a lot of chatting for a day.
In a situation where half of your heart belongs to the other half of the world, it’s a thrill to basically touch base with the people you care.
It's nice to know that the world is evolving around you. But some things remain the same, like your best friends / family. You walk in parallel lines, but you know you walk together.

Two Thumbs Way Up

Today, while looking for a report, I found an evaluation about me in my supervisor's computer.
Oh, BTW, stepping back the story a little bit, he's gone. My supervisor is 'no longer with the company'. I wish I could spill a bit of the juicy gossip, but for my own career's sake, let's not talk too much about work in a blog which has clear pictures of yourself smiling to the camera.
So, now it's just me, reporting directly to the big boss. more work & reports to do. But I'm handling it.
Anyway, I found an old evaluation about me. And it was the best evaluation ever. Like, if you notice Ebert & Roeper, the movie critics, going two thumbs down or two thumbs up. My evaluation is two thumbs WAAAY up.
And that eval made me sat there on his desk, stunned at his generousity, and wondered if I owe him that much of thanks and how I should re-pay him.

Saddest Movie Yet So far

Last night I saw House of The Flying Daggers.
*Finally*
I've been curious about that movie and been wanting to see it, especially after Hero.
I dig Hero, though many people don't. I guess the thing is with these kind of movies, people are just not used to: 1. Reading subtitle while watching a movie and 2. They are not used to a very sad, depressing ending. If you love the endings of all Adam Sandler's movies (a.k.a. Hollywood ending), then these kind of movies are really going to make you leave the theater feeling like you need prozac.
I told my boyfriend: Gee, this is sadder than Romeo & Juliet. Shakespeare is nothing compared to this. Romeo & Juliet looks like comedy.
If Shakespeare knew about this story, he would've risen back to life & re-written some of his chapters. Maybe add another guy or something. You know... to twist things up.
I love this movie though.
There was such beautiful sadness in it. And though I don't admit it, my boyfriend said that I'm somewhat melancholic.
...
...
hah! Yea rite.
There was *AGAIN* some fighting scenes up on the bamboo trees, just like Crouching Tiger & Hidden Dragon. Everybody was swinging & jumping from tree to tree. They chopped off the bamboos to use as the weapon, it was pretty cool actually.
At this point, I remember my boyfriend said "Poor Pandas, if they chop all the bamboos, what would the pandas eat then? They only eat bamboos, you know?"
I looked at him.
Speechless.
I guess his discovery channel instinct suddenly surfaced.

Well anyway, if you are ready to get artfully depressed, go ahead and rent it.
I do think it'll be worthwhile.

Favorite line from the movie: "I sacrificed three years for you. How could you love him after three days? "

Eight Hours That Feels Like a Week

You know when you feel like the day is sooo long & you wonder when it's going to be over.
And it's not.
And it keeps going and going.
Well, that my day at work today.
I don't like office politics and I always try my best to wiggle my way out of it.
I don't want to get involved.
Just let me do my job and go home.
Do you know that scene in a cartoon where everybody is in this big fist fight, that all you see is one big thick cloud?
Imagine me trying to crawl my way out of there & when I'm almost completely out, a hand grabs me and yanks me back in.
Yup.
That's my day today.
Thank God it's Friday tomorrow.
And I'm seriously considering taking out my pics from the blog, so maybe I can bitch more about this topic.
Yeah...
Maybe...
But, who would want to talk about work all the time, right?
Nah... I'll just find other things to talk about here. Something non-work related.
Like my apartment building which apparently is full of grandmas.
Uhm,... I'll talk about that in my next posting.
Right now I just need some sleep.

Dove Curvy Models

Have you seen the latest Dove commercial?
Oh, wait, first of all you know Dove right?
Okay… now:
Dove’s concept for their latest campaign is real beauty using real women as their spokespersons. The six models or should I say the six ordinary/real people posed only with their undergarments showing off their figures & curves. Different colors, but definitely they share something in common: they are not thin. I won't say that any of them are thin, even if you would shoot me for that. I say their sizes are around 8-10, roughly. But they look confident and radiant.
Basically, they look great to me.
All our lives, especially females, the propaganda of what is pretty or good or fits the standards have always haunted, indoctrinate or should I say intoxicate our minds. We go by the book and always try to follow the rules.
For Asian, living in Asia, you should be thin & have long hair, sleek and straight, just like satin, the straighter the better. And you have to be white, the fairer the better. If you're fat, you'll find hard time trying to buy yourself clothes.
And here, in the US, many go for blond hair, tanned skin & big boobs.
Going back to the Dove spokespersons, I tried to look at them, closely, but I don’t have more close-up images. They, like I said before, look great. And to be honest with you, I think they are not fat enough.
All of them might fit into one size of clothing, say size 8 or 10, well, around that size.
Now, what about those who has size 16 or maybe size 4.
If Dove is saying that they are celebrating real beauty, then why aren’t there models with a size 2 or 4 and a size 16 or 18 among them?
Many of us struggle to lose weight. And maybe not much of us, but there’s still a number of us who struggle to gain weight. I once read in a beauty magazine a woman’s effort to gain weight because she has no figure at all. No curves and she’s sick and tired of people thinking that she might have an eating disorder disease. I’m quoting her when she said she looks like a walking stick.
I think Dove is missing the point here. And many of you might not agree with me. But be it.
I need to see more walking sticks and fatter spokespersons along with those ladies up there.
And to be honest with you, I think all of them are pretty, they might not be thin, but they are very nice to look at. Hm,… why aren’t there a single ugly person there? Someone ugly but carry a huge smile and friendly eyes for example? Shouldn't that also be considered real beauty?
As for me and the typical Asian beauty, I refuse to join the stereotype. Let my wavy hair has its way, and my skin touched by sun. And I’m not growing my hair long & put straightening chemicals on it & sit for hours at a salon. I don’t have time for all of that.

What's your ideal job?

My cousin gave me this link to a funny job prediction site. All you have to do is enter your name and the site will tell you what profession is best for you.
If I enter my first name only, I am best being a heavyweight boxer. Hehe...
If I enter my full name, my ideal job is a porn star.
Hah...
Gross.
This site is very addictive.
Try it. And let me know what your ideal job is.
My boyfriend entered his surname and his ideal job is anything where he can kiss ass, while with his full name, he's a mermaid. You can't go funnier than that, except for this one time I entered a name & the answer is that you are God.
:)

Baseball Season: Time To Get Heartbroken

I asked my boyfriend the other day, when will the baseball season end?
“Oh, Hunny, we still have a long way to go.”
I said to myself quietly. HHWWWHHAAATTTT???!!
D*** it!
You see, don’t get me wrong, people, all the baseball lovers out there. Stop your typing hands to make a snide comment on my blog.
Not just yet.
Maybe later you can & I just don’t care. But hear me out first.
I’ve been to Wrigley field, jumping up and down (sincerely) when the Cubs scored or better yet, made a home run.
I do think that I love them. I’m rooting for them. It’s hard not to. At first I pitied the under-dog label they’ve been having, but then like any other re-born fan, my faith in them grows.
Which is wrong.
So wrong.
I want them to win. I want them to get to the play-off. It’ll be so much fun to see them get to World Series final.
But it’s not happening, because they are the most ill-fated club in history. Especially this year when that hunk Prior got injured *again and again*. They used to sulk together with the also-ill-fated Red Sox fans, but I guess not anymore since the Red Sox counter-jinxed themselves by winning the World Series last year.
And so, for 6 months in a year, all the hopefuls Cubbies are waiting for the big break. And every year they got sweaty palms every time thay watch the game. And their favorite motto is "Maybe next year".
Is it worth it?
A good example is my boyfriend who's a die-hard fan of the Cubs. He's willing to drive the second car, with no air-conditioner, in about 90-100 F summer day just because his other car has radio reception problem & if he can't watch the game, he's got to listen to it.
Talk about au natural sauna.
Or my classmate who would have 'bathroom breaks' during class to sneak in to the computer & see the score, and had parties to celebrate the Cubs getting to play-off a couple of years ago. (which by the way, got defeated by the Marlins).
Or one person (whom I don't know of) who banged on the computer lab window to get my attention to ask for the score.
I know someone who would boo people on the street just because they were wearing Marlin hats.
Gee... do I really want to join the helpless-hopefull mass?
Hm,...
I don't think so.
One of us is more than enough to represent that.
And that won't be me.

Too Much Green

I guess I have not shared the news that I'm back to work.
My long vacation is over.
It's now officially time to slave myself again.
And the sad thing is that I am also officially a suburbanite.
My new apartment is actually nicer than the one in downtown (if it's at all possible), but it has little bugs, which I made flat everytime they dare to cross path with me.
I need to buy some bug spray.
And I see green much more than I care for.
I have not bought myself a car. Having an apartment too close to work (& and to fiance) might make me a liiittlleee too comfortable. But I'll buy one. And when the time comes, we will all have a good time trying to name the car.
BTW, talking about forms of transportations, my bus stop has spiders.
Spider... hm,... legs > 4
If you know my blog long enough, then you know my rule of thumb: Anything that has legs more than 4 and less than 2, then it's either disgusting or just plain scary.
For spider,... it's both.
We locked eyes the other day. Me and the spider.
And with the wonder of telepathy I told him to stand back... or my shoe will be located on top of his whole head & body in a split second.
He backed away.
I smiled.
I'm glad we can form some basic understanding.
Sigh...
Oh boy... it's gonna be tough.
It's gonna be boring & tough.

City Love

I bare my windows wide open today and invite the city to come in.
A girl two stories down from me in the apartment across my windows as usual is working on her laptop. I quietly look at her & say my goodbye as I do this blog.
And the middle age guy who sits by the window (also working with a laptop) is somehow nowhere in sight. He might be having dinner with whom I suspect is the wife.
My two companions, not knowing each other, never exchanges smiles, but they never fails to give me the sense of stability.

My room is empty, as cheesy as it might sound, apparently as empty as my feeling.
I don’t know what I’m looking for anymore.
A city girl who’s trapped in the term ‘efficiency’ and moving to the suburb to get closer to work.

Am I ever going to go back to the city?
Having the privilege to walk to a grocery store at midnight wearing pajama, buy some beer and go to the roof top and wonder how far you can spit while the horse carriage passes by on its way home at old town area is priceless.
Will there be picnic at the lake shore again?
And will it feel the same? As a visitor rather than a resident.
Will I miss the fact that I can literally walk to the bars and clubs and go home totally wasted without having to worry to drive or have a designated driver. Yes, I will definitely miss that.

It's the end of an era. I feel crappy. I hate the way I'm handling this. I guess, I’m just being honest.
I’m a city mamacita.

"Friday evening, we've been drinking
2 AM, I swear I might propose
but we close the tab
split a cab
and call each other up when we get home
falling asleep to the sound
of sirens" - City Love, John Mayer

Answering my roommate's

My roommate told me to fill this up. So, here are the answers:

Bernard Pivot's 10 questions:
1. What is your favorite word? peace
2. What is your least favorite word? war
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? my fiance & my mom
4. What turns you off? arrogance
5. What is your favorite curse word? d**n it!
6. What sound or noise do you love? beach sound
7. What sound or noise do you hate? phone ringing continuously
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Almost any kind of enterpreneurship.
9. What profession would you not like to do? car salesman
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Welcome to the party, everybody you love can go up here too so you can always be together

Are we that mean?

Quote of the day:

I waited on the corner for my blind date.
When this girl walked by I said, "Are you Linda?"
She said "Are you Richard?"
I said "Yeah."
She said "I'm not Linda."

A King or a Fool?

Quote of the day:

"I thought I was the King of the Mountain. Apparently I'm just a Fool on the Hill"

Ah... aren't we all think that way?

Tom Curse!?!?

I'm cursed!
Since I posted my last blog below. I've seen Tom way too many times!
I turned the TV on the evening, flipped the channels.
There he is.
I went to have dinner with my roommate, came back, turn the MTV on, and...
There he is!
Lifetime Achievement Award? Is he really that old? Oh, Katie...
And when I thought I've had my portion for the day. There he is again! Carrying Dakota Fanning around and presented another award.
Then I called my boyfriend (fiancee... whichever), called my mom, chat with roommate. Then back to my sofa, flipped channels.
THERE HE IS AGAIN! MTV after award party.
I thought then I should avoid MTV for a few days.
So, I switched to NBC,...
Just to see him again on a gossip show.
Arrrgghh...
So, I switched to animal planet & went to bed.
I'm cursed.

More Tom? Anyone?

If you have tv or you have internet access to some famous sites like msn or yahoo, then you'd find out that Tom Cruise is dating (*drumroll*) Katie Holmes.
Uh huh, like I care.
If I see Tom one more time on the gossip segments, I'll just kill myself. Hm,.. nope I take it back, I predict then I will have to kill myself this evening, right after I turn the TV on.
I don't care about him nor hate him. I just wish I can see something else on TV in the evening rather than seeing news flash like "Tom and Katie left Rome".
Huh?

Tom's been acting weird. Escpecially on Oprah when he knelt on the floor over and over again stating that he's so into her. I kept thinking to myself when I watched that Oprah episode: He's lost it. I can't believe I once (on my adolesence era) thought that he's cool.
Coolness is something he's lacking at the moment.

It is stupid how a celebrity can't learn from Bennifer humongous disaster.
Remember Bennifer? Ben Affleck and J-Lo.
*Thanks to my roommate who pointed out how similar this is with the 'Bennifer begins'. I knew I saw this kind of thing somewhere before*
Nothing can blow out of proportion and be as messy as it was.

Well, celebs live in a such a big gigantic melrose place drama. Boy meets girl. Girl marries boy. Boy breaks up with Girl. Girl wants boy back. Boy is dating a sexy spanish girl. Girl dates hot sexy Jew-Black rocker and denies it. Boy breaks up again. Girl is single again. Boy meet young girl. Boy acts up stupid & silly. I bet girl is now thanking God that she's divorced from him.
Ah... what a drama.
Boy is such a drama-king.

I wish boy take a rest & let the world aims their cameras elsewhere.

Wishful thinking?
Sadly, I think so.

Too Old for MTV?

I don't know how many of you watch the inferno. Or if you even know the show at all. Though it’s not exactly a very, uhm, mind-stimulating, but once you know what’s going on, it’s hard not to see the next episode. There are 2 teams, the bad asses and the good guys. And I don't like the bad-asses. I don't like those girls in 'bad asses' team. They can really creep you out. They cat-fight all the time, stab people behind their back, ganging up against someone in the team. When they lose, they blame other team members. Yeah, so much for team spirit.
And the bad asses guys, there's this good looking guy, Abe. I have never seen someone who's more narcissistic. Narcism is such a turn-off. I like the gay guy from the bad-asses, though. Maybe he’s the only person I like.

All the beeping sound for a full half an hour is quite distracting. I sometimes wonder what the actual word that was being blocked out. And I did miss some of the essense of the fight and yelling. hehe... those kids are crazy.

I remember once a friend told me, if you watch MTV and find yourself shaking your head in disbelieve, then it’s a sign that you’re old. Well let's not talk about Viva La bam then. Because I can't stand watching that show for more than 3 minutes. Literally.

So,… I guess, I’ll brew my tea now, polish my cane, tighten-up my shawl, wear my thick glasses and get ready to cheer the good guys tonight.

What's the best hangover cure?

Crappy crappy morning.
Baaad hangover.
It's two o'clock now?
Geez,... I need to find something to get rid of the headache.
I even searched the internet to find the best cure for hangover.
And apparently, banana, strawberies, honey, a pich of salt, milk and a bunch of other stuff blended together is the best cure.
Drinking bananas? Yuck.
I took a couple of aspirin though, which, come to think of it, didn't help much.
Anyway, I wonder about roommate's co-worker. She got twice as much booze as I did. May the force be with her today then.
And let's just apply the Vegas rule for last night; What happened in the club, stays in the club. And may I add: Hopefully, the cab last night is not one of those 'taxicab confessions' on HBO.
Amen.

So Much Time, So Little to Do.

Finally, a beautiful day outside.
But, noone to share it with.
I've done watching DVDs, cook, eat, took a nap.
And I still have half a day.
Ayayayay...
So much time... so little to do.

Dedication for a Goat

I'm inspired!
I'm inspired to proclaim today as my vegetarian day.
Until I remember I ate the anchovy my mom sent me yesterday.
Then, correction: I'm inspired not to eat meat (except fish) starting now till the day ends.
I eat anything. It's bad. People always say how I should not worry about what I eat. I look fine without diet anyway.
But hey, skinny people get a heart attack too, you know.
*knock on wood*
Anyway, I stacked my fridge with veggies today (plus some mangoes).
I'm all set!
Wait... can I eat eggs?
I guess I can. Unless I have decided to make today as vegan day. Which I did not.
And so, let the veggie day begin.
The number one factor for me failing this veggie day is not the temptation to eat meat, because, believe me. I will succeed in restraining myself.
It's the absent-minded me who can just walk into the kitchen & pop something forbidden into my mouth, munch it and swallow it without even remember about my pledge of the day.
But I'll try.
I'll try it for a day. And depending on today, we'll see about tomorrow.

This veggie day is dedicated to a goat back home from 5 years ago, which was being sold on the sidewalk, waiting for its doom day.
I can never forget its face as I sat in the car, facing me so sadly.
I can't eat lamb ever since. I don't think I can ever will.
May your last moment be quick and painless.

Almost Engaged

I guess in a couple of days I'll be officially engaged.
Honestly, I almost forgot all about it, I mean that it's freakingly coming my way.
Hmpff... so soon?
I feel like it was yesterday that we had this discussion with my mom that we'll make it official next month.
Well, I guess I am not the bridezilla kind (Thank God!). Because people start asking me if I have tried out some bridal salons, found a good make-up artist, blah blah blah.
Hm.... yea... I guess. Just online.... don't feel like really going out and do it. Not yet.
I am more concerned about my plan to open a business with my boyfriend and he's been taking his time... way too slow. I think I'm just gonna do some calculation by myself. And just show it to him when I'm done.
Besides, it's like what they say: Behind every successful man, stand a nagging woman. I'll be the nagging woman. Nagging him to jack up his speed. (Hi honey! Are you reading this?).
Yesterday when my boyfriend was around, I looked at him (when he's not looking) and think of how straight his hair is. Mine is wavy. I thought about his skin tone, and then mine. His eyes, my eyes. His character, and mine. His choices of TV channels (such as: animal planet & discovery channel) and mine (MTV, E Entertainment and Oxigen).
Boy, I thought, opposites do attract.
I sat with him a couple of days ago, watching Discovery channel. We saw this documentary about humanzee . If you're wondering what it is and if you never heard of such thing, don't be discouraged! Your not alone.
That night I dreamed about it. Well, actually 'them' is the correct word. Lots and lots of chimps that night. Very scary, despite the fact that I do love animals.
Yep, I told him the next day I don't want to see more chimpanzee documentary and I set the channel to MTV. The Inferno was on. Cool! But after 10 minutes of swearing, lots of beeping sounds, the guys being topless, fighting, wrestling. He told me that this show is actually about chimpanzees too, then rested his case with a triumphant expression.
And going back to my being almost engaged.
I bet it'll be weird refering my boyfriend as my fiance starting this Wednesday.
I hope I won't stutter when such occasion occurs.

"Hey, meet my boyffhmpfffiiance"

Yes, definitely need some practice.

That's Hot

Okay now, I'm super bored today and find another thing to put on my blog. Read this Paris Hilton interview at CNN.
She's not my fave celebs at all, but try not to be a feminist and read it.
That's hot. (hahahaha.... just kidding. I just need to say her trademark. I just have to).
The interviewer asked her if she read blogs. And her answer was: "what's that?"
Also when asked if she read the tabloids, she said no. She just looked at the pictures to see if she's wearing something cute last week.
Hm,...
I think that's hot.
Hahaha... j/k.
I better stop here and find something else to do.

My Man of Honor

I am amazed how long has it been since I came to the wake of my childhood friend. It's been 5 freaking years. I had never felt that abundant hatred towards anything ever in my life. Ever. I did not cry when my dad told me that morning that he got an early call from one of my friends, passing the news that my dear friend had passed away.
I sat there.
In my living room, not knowing how to feel. That part is a total blur for me, even until now.
Then I went to the funeral home and saw his parents there. And his mom broke down on my shoulder, muttering all sorts of random pieces of his last hours. His mom said he called my name. And I, despite the enormous regret of why then none of them called last night so I could come and have my last goodbye, just hugged her closer.
Then she said she knew that he always loved me. And I hugged her even tighter and told her that he's finally at peace. And we should be thankful that God had taken away his pain.
It's a weird sight. I should be the one who was weaker and crying. But I did not shed a single tear.
Then on my way back home, I'd finally been able to cry. There's just me and my dad. I totally bitched out how he betrayed me. He promised me that he'd survive from all the disgusting drugs he was consuming. The drugs that would made him stupid and slow and futureless. The drugs that were just bringing him down. When he tried to quit he would puked out blood, then there was blood in his feces. His pain was beyond words. He would disappear for a few months on rehab and called me after he's out. Then a few weeks later called me again and said he failed. Again.
The drugs had cost his family one big house for medication and rehab.
And stupid me just thought that death wouldn't be an option for him. My childhood best friend. He was the one ready to knock-out every guy ever made me cry (that's why I never gave out any addresses). He's the guy who loved me knowing that I would never ever love him back the same way.
He's the guy who, then, settled to be the best friend and be happy for me in whatever I do with any man I choose.
He's the one who once told me that I deserve the best in life. I deserve the best man there is on earth. I deserve all happiness from a very deserving man.
Well.... dearest friend, I found him. The man you were talking about. And we're getting engaged next month.
Had you survived, I would've asked you to be my man of honor.
If only, Dude...

Blue Ribboned Trees

Today, as the early days of my temporary unemployment, I woke up late. As late as 9:30 AM just to hear some noises outside the window, which kinda freaked me out because I live on the lucky number 13 & if it is not an eagle (or a herd of eagles) knocking & bumping their bodies at my windows, then I don't know what was.
Well, too bad, after I took a peek, it's the window washer working outside my windows. Too bad because if not then I can make a very interesting blog all about it.
Okay, moving on. Out of boredom, and my craving for Baja Fresh, I went to Michigan avenue(again...) and took some pictures of some very pretty blue ribbonned trees in front of an old church.



Little did I know at first that apparently those blue ribbons are representing all the children abused in Illinois state.
There are 27,510 child abuse cases in Illinois on 2004. And more than 8 thousands in cook county. The county where I live.
Think about that number.
Isn't that sad & heartbreaking?
I have 4 nephews, and it is beyond words how much I love them. Someone will have to step over my dead body to get their hands on them. And I can't imagine one's heart to be able to do such thing to children.
All I can wish is that next year, the number will decrease, the ribbons will be less. No matter how pretty the trees are, I rather have bald trees and super blue ones.

I Met the Real Focker

Goodness, let me tell you a little story about my roaming about yesterday with my roommate & my boyfriend on Michigan avenue.
There's a street band who always performs on weekend on a busy corner near water tower place. With their flute, trombone, saxophone, et cetera. And I and my boyfriend once heard they played happy feelin' by Maze & Frankie Beverly ( I know,... oh so seventies). It is a very fine song & I was determined to wait them played that song again yesterday. So after standing near by and spend about 2 (very long, jam session) songs, we moved to the actual water tower & sat on the steps there, just enjoying the view while we (as usual) took some pictures. After about 2-3 other songs. I figured that, oh well... maybe another day, the thought of sushi made Happy feelin not to sassy anymore.
So I walked back home, hopped on some horse poop, and I saw a pretty lady was posing for a picture standing by a man. People were starring & I wondered, who's that lady. Supermodel? An anchor woman? And my roommate said "Dustin Hoffman!!!" I looked around, "where??!! "
Hm,... as you might have guessed.... the little man beside that georgeous lady is Dustin Hoffman. And I missed that.
Thinking that the fan is the celebrity, I missed the actual celeb.
Then Dustin walked away.
Sigh....
...
...
Anyway, my point being is that timing is everything. Had I not lingered around waiting for the band to play 'the song' I would have missed Dustin out and about on the street. And on the extension on that point, "everything happens for a reason". That should be my next motto beside "Total world Domination".
Secondly, I need to jump as fast as a cat the next time I see a celeb. I hesitated for a few seconds and Dustin vaporized like dust.
Next time, Dustin,.... you mark my word, I'll get you next time. No matter how scary I'll appear to you.

It Ain't Over Till It's Over

People say, what can't kill you will make you strong. And my boyfriend once told me that, which I immediately answered with "yeah, but it can make you want to kill yourself voluntarily".
See,... this past week I've been having a pretty tough blow. I have to leave my job temporarily, until... well, to be honest, there is not definite answer for that. Though, the longest will be half a year.
I am not claiming to be a strong gal. But this blow did not bring me down. Why? I don't know.
Shocker?
YESSSS... for those who truly know me, I panicked pretty easily.
I told my boyfriend about the news, and he panicked. I had to calm him down. Then next stop was my mom & dad. Mom was okay, she's calm no matter what anyway (why didn't I get her gene on that department?). Dad was not as okay as mom. And ever since, trying to infuse me with a thousand ideas on how to survive here. I told him very nicely and very implicitly that I’m not listening to him.
I know I will survive. How? By breaking my piggy bank?
Nope. I’ll make it a surprise as for now. Just to build the suspense. He he he. And nope I’m not planning to sell drugs or be a pole dancer (I’m not bendy).
Then I told my best friends. Were they shocked too?
You betcha. But, I think my dad tops them all. Which on another subject makes me think to better-filter any bad news when it comes to my parents. I always thought I can tell them anything, no matter how bad the news is, they’ll be even stronger than I am. But I guess; now I need to start taking care of their mind well-being.
I told my roommate, I don’t think this kind of bumpy road is for everybody.
But that’s what makes my life colorful. Because it is not blunt. It’s not monotone, it’s not one color. It has some black spots on the pink. Purple on the orange… yuck… on the second thought, change the orange into lime green. I’m a bit phobic to any shades of bright orange. That color only looks good for veggies and fruits.
And so, I am announcing, shamelessly, that I’m jobless for a few months. And that I’m touched, that my boss and supervisor are waiting for me. And instead of getting someone new, they decided to wait up. And hire a temp.
And I have to say that my coworkers are very compassionate and supportive. For only the 2 and a half months that I was there, apparently they have considered me as part of their family.
I want them to know that, like wise.
As for now, the time away that I’ll be having, I’ll embrace it with joy & bravery. My glass is half full, not half empty.
And, yes my dear,…. Apparently you are right, what can’t kill you will make you strong. I hate to admit when you're right, but this time I’ll let you win.

-Id imperfectum manet dum confectum erit-

Where's Craig?

Who is that guy replacing Craig Kilborn? Should I care if he has a cute british accent? Where's Craig anyway? It's been a while since he disappeared.
At this hours of the day, I don't need joke or intelligent conversation on TV. Just give me something to look at before I fall a sleep.

Dear Diary,...
Today the stinky tunnel is super duper stinky, as if the regular stinkiness is not stinky enough.
Might get a mask to protect my nerve endings...
Can't wait to buy me a car this summer.

Get Drunk and Go to Heaven

The one who drinks gets drunk
The one who gets drunk goes to sleep
The one who goes to sleep does not sin
The one who does not sin goes to heaven
so let's all drink and go to heaven

I saw that posted on my team leader's desk today while waiting for another team leader to give me some training.

Stinky Tunnel

Everyday, I have to go through a stinky tunnel that connects my first train to my second train.
Today, having set my mind on American idol (yes, yes... I'm such junkie for some tv shows), I rushed & walked as soon as I can in the stinky tunnel



I remember thinking, wow, I'm walking so fast it almost feel like running. As a matter of fact, I think I'm actually doing some exercise by walking in the stinky tunnel. I think I should walk like this everytime I pass by the stinky tunnel. One, because it's stinky most of the time, secondly, maybe I can save a few seconds and probably get to the train whose door about to close and I don't have to wait another 10 mintes for the next one. And third, I feel like I am actually doing some short of excercise. Hey, maybe I should buy a pedometer & use it everyday to see how far I go per day.

Wow... I'm fast. I don't know I can walk this fast. Feel like I'm in a fast walk competition. No one is walking faster than me. No one catches me up.

And suddenly,... an old man pass me by.
...
...
...
and another passenger,
and then another...

Am I surrounded by Olympians?
Or maybe I should take it as a sign that I need to excercise?

Prayer of a Commuter

Lord,
Please wake me up tomorrow at least just in time to jump out of the bed, run out of the apartment and jump on the train. If that scenario doesn't happen, please give me patience if after waiting for very precious 15 minutes my train has not shown up yet. And when the train arrives, please give the people inside a little bit of mercy to scoot over an inch and give me space to just stuff my body in before the CTA bell dings and the doors slide.
Also important, please let it be that the people surrounding me in the train don't have funky smell. Because in about 6 stops later & about a hundred people in one cart, I could die in misery for I have weakness for any sorts of stinky smell.
Please lead me to the right position and pole to hang on to, so that I can do the necessary maneuver when the train abruptly stops, on every stop, and avoid to stomp someone’s foot or, worse, get stomped by someone.
If I have to slip and fall, please let it be on someone, not on the floor, for only You knows what the floor has gone through. But, if I may choose, please don't let me fall on elderly or handicapped passengers for I will feel guilty. Better let me fall to someone in a good mood with good smell so that he/she won't be upset and, better yet, give me an understanding smile upon my apology.
Please also give me good timing so that on my transfer to the next train or then to the bus, I don't have to run, or wait for the next bus because the previous one has left without me.
Please bestow upon me, good hearing sense, for I often fall asleep on the second train and also on the bus and I need to wake up just in time after the announcement that my stop is next.
If at all possible, please also make me invisible from all the guys who want to chit-chat all along the way while you know for sure, my mood is hell before 11 and I rather take a nap than talk. Don't let them see that I'm wearing a watch, because the standard opening line for them is to ask the time.
Forgive me Lord, for I'm sure that most of them are nice, but my nap means more than talking about the weather or bus schedules or whether I am married yet.
Lastly, thank you for giving me a job, because if not then all my long prayer above won't happen and I cannot embrace my daily morning pain with joy.

Why Feb 14th?

Valentine's day is on the 14th (this is a note to a guy friend of mine who one time asked me when Valentine's day is), which, by the way, is today,... And which I forgot this morning when I called my boyfriend to wake him up, until I got a text message from a friend saying happy Vday later during the day.
During lunch time the mailroom staff were busy distributing flowers to all the floors. I feel bad for them, today, they might not have the chance to sit down and have a decent amount of lunch time. No pun intended to all the love birds out there who make a big deal out of Valentine. I don't, just because I don't see why I should. I don't even know Valentine's full name. It's not his birthday, it's the day he got slayed. And though, my boyfriend sends me flowers anually during those times of the year, I won't be upset if he did not send me any. Well, actually on our first Valentine he missed sending me flowers (hahaha... but that's another story. He'll kill me if kiss and tell).
Don't you think that Valentine's day is a mass propaganda of the greetings card companies and all other major business (chocolate, restaurant, flowers,.... and many others that I just can't spill out on top of my head)?
But, hey, I'm not a Valentine hater. I just don't feel like I need to fully participate in it. Valentine is overrated,... and sometimes the birthdays of our parents are underrated. Or their anniversary, or your nephews first day to school. Those days are important for me. Valentine's day... .well.... as far as the western culture goes, it might be just another day when you, as a guy, have to buy your significant other some flowers, and take her to dinner, or you'll end up on the couch tonight.
As for my boyfriend and I, we tried having dinner on Valentine's day, he ordered flowers fedexed from California, and so on, and yes I had some fun, but I would say my Valentine's day is not on Feb 14th. It was on those nameless meaningless days when we had thai or mexican and when we had picnic on north beach shore with crazy fearless birds flying about my head and I kept telling my boyfriend I had this vision that they'll poop on our heads.

You know, this necklace makes me think of this totally random memory of my mother. I was a little kid, and I was crying for whatever reason. And she was cradling me, rocking me back and forth, and I can just remember the silver balls rolling around. And there was snot dripping all over my face. She offered me her sleeve and told me to blow my nose. I can remember, even as a little kid, thinking to myself, "This is love... this is love." - Garden State