First day on the job always brings me anxiety. Especially, this time it’s about a job that I want to keep. I think basically I’m prone to stress, and like my boyfriend said, I can always find something to worry about. You see, he is someone without a single worry gene within him and my frantic mood always amazes him. Sometimes I would panic about one thing and cried and he looked at me with this look and smile. And his smile would make me look silly & then I laughed too (feel like kicking him on the shin, but… well…). I don’t even know how we can be together after all these years. Maybe opposites do attract.
Anyhow, I have been having some interesting bumpy ride on year 2004 & earlier this year and I don’t think I have bumpier ride in my life. Bumpy ride really makes you stronger in a way you have never thought before. I never thought I would say such thing. Hah.
Last Friday, I finally come to my new company’s headquarter office in downtown (and finally meet the HR guy). We had lunch in Petterino’s which apparently is just around the block from the office.
Something he said really stuck in my head, and that is: “you shouldn’t worry about things that you have no control about.” It was out of the context when he said it, but that sentence really stuck like power glue.
Amazing! People keep on sending me hints not to worry, not to be stress-out, even people who don’t know that I am a stressed-out freak.
So well… I guess today, I should not. Tomorrow is my first day and I am worry (by nature, by default), but I will try not to. For a day, I will let everything flows like it’s supposed to be.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Angry Zit
I had a breakout on my face yesterday. You see, pimple is something that (luckily) almost never happens to me. And when I do have one, that's usually because of two things: one, I just tried a new kind of facial/skin gizmo, lured by ads propaganda or promises printed on the packaging. Two, only happens when I am under stress. And I know this time my zit happens because of the later one.
I always think that life works out in a very strange way. Something good that you have been wishing for, been working on it, just couldn't happen. And then you look away for a second, and you start to think that it's not working out, then, suddenly, with a blink of an eye, there it is!
That thing! That wish becomes a reality.
Anyhow, in my case that thing equals to a new **& better** job.
I think God has a good sense of humor, though maybe I shouldn't even humor about it. But things have been pretty weird. Suddenly all the mess fall into place. The missing puzzles found and fitted. It almost seems like I was just standing still while the universe moves around. And now, I have become a little bit less stressed out, but the zit remains. Well,.... better a zit than a problem. Zit problem is solvable while the other kinds of problems are revolting.
So now, the good news is, I will have a better job starting February. And the bad news is, I just squeezed my zit about half an hour ago and now it appears that I have angered it. It's back with a vengeange & swells up a few times bigger. I , who -humbly stating- am not too familiar with zit, is sitting, writing my blog, with my humongous zit, don't know what to do about it.
I wonder now if zit problem is also revolting...
I always think that life works out in a very strange way. Something good that you have been wishing for, been working on it, just couldn't happen. And then you look away for a second, and you start to think that it's not working out, then, suddenly, with a blink of an eye, there it is!
That thing! That wish becomes a reality.
Anyhow, in my case that thing equals to a new **& better** job.
I think God has a good sense of humor, though maybe I shouldn't even humor about it. But things have been pretty weird. Suddenly all the mess fall into place. The missing puzzles found and fitted. It almost seems like I was just standing still while the universe moves around. And now, I have become a little bit less stressed out, but the zit remains. Well,.... better a zit than a problem. Zit problem is solvable while the other kinds of problems are revolting.
So now, the good news is, I will have a better job starting February. And the bad news is, I just squeezed my zit about half an hour ago and now it appears that I have angered it. It's back with a vengeange & swells up a few times bigger. I , who -humbly stating- am not too familiar with zit, is sitting, writing my blog, with my humongous zit, don't know what to do about it.
I wonder now if zit problem is also revolting...
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Chilli died
My fish, Chilli died today.
He used to be mine but since I'm such a freak & depressed-prone, my boyfriend took him away. I would be watching him and panic on every indication / symptom that he is sick.
But he died, finally.
Not floating but staying at the bottom. upside down.
Sniff....
I used to have another fish before this one - Gin (inspired by Gin and tonic, my boyfriend has Tonic & I took Gin). But on the day he died, I was so depressed. It caught me off-guard, right after I went home from work then, bam! He laid at the bottom, upside down (apparently my fish didn't float like the conventional way when they died).
The funeral service in the bathroom was also awful. It was just me and the dead fish & I had to flush him myself and I was hyperventilated from crying.
And after I flushed, I worried that he might still be alive.
What if....
At that point I realized that I've gone nuts.
And I let my boyfriend took Chilli away. For my peace of mind.
I think I suck at goodbyes. Especially the eternity kind of goodbyes.
To my friends back home: this is why when I was about to go to US, I didn't really make it a big deal out of it. You guys had to practically drag me around to go to the get together.
Now you know why, ...
Because I hate to flush you out from my life.
He used to be mine but since I'm such a freak & depressed-prone, my boyfriend took him away. I would be watching him and panic on every indication / symptom that he is sick.
But he died, finally.
Not floating but staying at the bottom. upside down.
Sniff....
I used to have another fish before this one - Gin (inspired by Gin and tonic, my boyfriend has Tonic & I took Gin). But on the day he died, I was so depressed. It caught me off-guard, right after I went home from work then, bam! He laid at the bottom, upside down (apparently my fish didn't float like the conventional way when they died).
The funeral service in the bathroom was also awful. It was just me and the dead fish & I had to flush him myself and I was hyperventilated from crying.
And after I flushed, I worried that he might still be alive.
What if....
At that point I realized that I've gone nuts.
And I let my boyfriend took Chilli away. For my peace of mind.
I think I suck at goodbyes. Especially the eternity kind of goodbyes.
To my friends back home: this is why when I was about to go to US, I didn't really make it a big deal out of it. You guys had to practically drag me around to go to the get together.
Now you know why, ...
Because I hate to flush you out from my life.
The Most Beautiful Woman
The cold from the snow storm 2 days ago has really started to creep in. All the snow building up is no longer white. Plus, people stepped on it and make it hard & slippery. This week has been really hard for me. Job wise, weather wise and I don't want to complain but on top of that I miss home.
Have you ever find yourself in a situation where nothing can cheer you up (not even a glass of well-mixed apple martini, or purchase a bunch of bath and body works items). And that the snow that you usually love seems just like another tropical rain that you've had all your life. The sky is gray. The bus is late. Or too early & left without you. The problem at work is unsolvable.
When you’re too busy, and later on, too tired to call your boyfriend. When you hate the taste of your lunch, and that super chatty guy at work starts to bug you too much & you just want to smack his face with something like, your shoe or your monitor. Seriously, that guy should find something else to do.
Then the smell of your mom’s pillow started to fill in your head. And you just had this short array of memory flashes rushing through your head, of how her hands looked like, and how they feel against your skin. When you walk side by side with her and you’re just 3 feet tall. Her voice was just so clear, you were talking about food, or your dogs, or how your day went. And you complained about something that's been bugging you and she just ease the burden away in a snap of fingers.
And sometimes you fell asleep side by side on her bed and the warm Jakarta breeze just brushed against your skin and then the dog jumped up the bed and, as usual, kicked you on the head so you'd move aside a bit to give her some space. (she always did that).
Outside, the neighbors passed by. And that crazy rooster just yelled again on top of its lung. Man! It’s three in the afternoon for crying out loud. Get a grip...
And then, right there, in the midst of all, you got sucked back to reality.
There I was. Sucked back; standing, in the cold, windy, dark parking lot, waiting for my bus.
My chest hurt from the mental twinge of the distance we had - 23 hours away of flying.
I've never felt lonelier.
I miss her face, her cooking, her presence, her smile, her soft voice, her laugh, the way she draws her eyebrows, puts on her lipstick and sprays her perfume.
Every tiny bit thing. The way she says hello on the phone.
She soothes me like nothing else could.
I miss her, the most beautiful woman in the world.
Have you ever find yourself in a situation where nothing can cheer you up (not even a glass of well-mixed apple martini, or purchase a bunch of bath and body works items). And that the snow that you usually love seems just like another tropical rain that you've had all your life. The sky is gray. The bus is late. Or too early & left without you. The problem at work is unsolvable.
When you’re too busy, and later on, too tired to call your boyfriend. When you hate the taste of your lunch, and that super chatty guy at work starts to bug you too much & you just want to smack his face with something like, your shoe or your monitor. Seriously, that guy should find something else to do.
Then the smell of your mom’s pillow started to fill in your head. And you just had this short array of memory flashes rushing through your head, of how her hands looked like, and how they feel against your skin. When you walk side by side with her and you’re just 3 feet tall. Her voice was just so clear, you were talking about food, or your dogs, or how your day went. And you complained about something that's been bugging you and she just ease the burden away in a snap of fingers.
And sometimes you fell asleep side by side on her bed and the warm Jakarta breeze just brushed against your skin and then the dog jumped up the bed and, as usual, kicked you on the head so you'd move aside a bit to give her some space. (she always did that).
Outside, the neighbors passed by. And that crazy rooster just yelled again on top of its lung. Man! It’s three in the afternoon for crying out loud. Get a grip...
And then, right there, in the midst of all, you got sucked back to reality.
There I was. Sucked back; standing, in the cold, windy, dark parking lot, waiting for my bus.
My chest hurt from the mental twinge of the distance we had - 23 hours away of flying.
I've never felt lonelier.
I miss her face, her cooking, her presence, her smile, her soft voice, her laugh, the way she draws her eyebrows, puts on her lipstick and sprays her perfume.
Every tiny bit thing. The way she says hello on the phone.
She soothes me like nothing else could.
I miss her, the most beautiful woman in the world.
Sunday, January 02, 2005
2005
I got a tacky but cute head piece with big pointy real feather from the French place where we had New Year's Eve dinner. The guys got the 50's kind of hats which my roommate thinks look like something that Britney spears would wear. He he he…
It was a nice restaurant, despite the fact that a waiter dropped the wine glass right next to me. Luckily, I wore knee high boots. I could feel the glasses jabbing on my boots. Hm,…
And 5 minutes later, another waiter did it again, right next to me. Isn’t that a conspiracy or what?
A friend said a short wish for those in Aceh.
This year I don’t think I have a resolution. I think I’m just going to go with the flow. For once in my life, maybe I should relax a bit and be less of a control freak.
Looking back 2004, I think -emotionally- that was one of the craziest ride I had in my whole life. Not much that I can share here: some of them are too long… and / or too personal.
Having said that, the happiest day in 2004 was when I saw my mom & dad at JFK, NY.
And the most emotional moment was when I walk up the stage on the commencement day, and had a glance at my crowd (respectively): my boyfriend, my dad and my mom.
The saddest was when I let them go at the airport.
And the most relieving is when I got the news from my dad that my mom’s long-struggled health is improving significantly.
On 2004, I can say now that:
I made peace that no one is as good as Hanky Tandayu – the hairdresser - & I settled with other mere mortal hairdressers.
I have gone to Broadway & saw a play. A good musical one.
I spat from the top of the Empire State Building (kidding…)
I saw Tony Bennett.
I’m on my way to get a driver’s license.
I have lost a very good & dearest friend, heartbroken by her, but moving on with the rest of my real friends.
Though not yet perfect, I know a bit of how to make & roll sushi.
It was a nice restaurant, despite the fact that a waiter dropped the wine glass right next to me. Luckily, I wore knee high boots. I could feel the glasses jabbing on my boots. Hm,…
And 5 minutes later, another waiter did it again, right next to me. Isn’t that a conspiracy or what?
A friend said a short wish for those in Aceh.
This year I don’t think I have a resolution. I think I’m just going to go with the flow. For once in my life, maybe I should relax a bit and be less of a control freak.
Looking back 2004, I think -emotionally- that was one of the craziest ride I had in my whole life. Not much that I can share here: some of them are too long… and / or too personal.
Having said that, the happiest day in 2004 was when I saw my mom & dad at JFK, NY.
And the most emotional moment was when I walk up the stage on the commencement day, and had a glance at my crowd (respectively): my boyfriend, my dad and my mom.
The saddest was when I let them go at the airport.
And the most relieving is when I got the news from my dad that my mom’s long-struggled health is improving significantly.
On 2004, I can say now that:
I made peace that no one is as good as Hanky Tandayu – the hairdresser - & I settled with other mere mortal hairdressers.
I have gone to Broadway & saw a play. A good musical one.
I spat from the top of the Empire State Building (kidding…)
I saw Tony Bennett.
I’m on my way to get a driver’s license.
I have lost a very good & dearest friend, heartbroken by her, but moving on with the rest of my real friends.
Though not yet perfect, I know a bit of how to make & roll sushi.
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