My Man of Honor

I am amazed how long has it been since I came to the wake of my childhood friend. It's been 5 freaking years. I had never felt that abundant hatred towards anything ever in my life. Ever. I did not cry when my dad told me that morning that he got an early call from one of my friends, passing the news that my dear friend had passed away.
I sat there.
In my living room, not knowing how to feel. That part is a total blur for me, even until now.
Then I went to the funeral home and saw his parents there. And his mom broke down on my shoulder, muttering all sorts of random pieces of his last hours. His mom said he called my name. And I, despite the enormous regret of why then none of them called last night so I could come and have my last goodbye, just hugged her closer.
Then she said she knew that he always loved me. And I hugged her even tighter and told her that he's finally at peace. And we should be thankful that God had taken away his pain.
It's a weird sight. I should be the one who was weaker and crying. But I did not shed a single tear.
Then on my way back home, I'd finally been able to cry. There's just me and my dad. I totally bitched out how he betrayed me. He promised me that he'd survive from all the disgusting drugs he was consuming. The drugs that would made him stupid and slow and futureless. The drugs that were just bringing him down. When he tried to quit he would puked out blood, then there was blood in his feces. His pain was beyond words. He would disappear for a few months on rehab and called me after he's out. Then a few weeks later called me again and said he failed. Again.
The drugs had cost his family one big house for medication and rehab.
And stupid me just thought that death wouldn't be an option for him. My childhood best friend. He was the one ready to knock-out every guy ever made me cry (that's why I never gave out any addresses). He's the guy who loved me knowing that I would never ever love him back the same way.
He's the guy who, then, settled to be the best friend and be happy for me in whatever I do with any man I choose.
He's the one who once told me that I deserve the best in life. I deserve the best man there is on earth. I deserve all happiness from a very deserving man.
Well.... dearest friend, I found him. The man you were talking about. And we're getting engaged next month.
Had you survived, I would've asked you to be my man of honor.
If only, Dude...

Blue Ribboned Trees

Today, as the early days of my temporary unemployment, I woke up late. As late as 9:30 AM just to hear some noises outside the window, which kinda freaked me out because I live on the lucky number 13 & if it is not an eagle (or a herd of eagles) knocking & bumping their bodies at my windows, then I don't know what was.
Well, too bad, after I took a peek, it's the window washer working outside my windows. Too bad because if not then I can make a very interesting blog all about it.
Okay, moving on. Out of boredom, and my craving for Baja Fresh, I went to Michigan avenue(again...) and took some pictures of some very pretty blue ribbonned trees in front of an old church.



Little did I know at first that apparently those blue ribbons are representing all the children abused in Illinois state.
There are 27,510 child abuse cases in Illinois on 2004. And more than 8 thousands in cook county. The county where I live.
Think about that number.
Isn't that sad & heartbreaking?
I have 4 nephews, and it is beyond words how much I love them. Someone will have to step over my dead body to get their hands on them. And I can't imagine one's heart to be able to do such thing to children.
All I can wish is that next year, the number will decrease, the ribbons will be less. No matter how pretty the trees are, I rather have bald trees and super blue ones.

I Met the Real Focker

Goodness, let me tell you a little story about my roaming about yesterday with my roommate & my boyfriend on Michigan avenue.
There's a street band who always performs on weekend on a busy corner near water tower place. With their flute, trombone, saxophone, et cetera. And I and my boyfriend once heard they played happy feelin' by Maze & Frankie Beverly ( I know,... oh so seventies). It is a very fine song & I was determined to wait them played that song again yesterday. So after standing near by and spend about 2 (very long, jam session) songs, we moved to the actual water tower & sat on the steps there, just enjoying the view while we (as usual) took some pictures. After about 2-3 other songs. I figured that, oh well... maybe another day, the thought of sushi made Happy feelin not to sassy anymore.
So I walked back home, hopped on some horse poop, and I saw a pretty lady was posing for a picture standing by a man. People were starring & I wondered, who's that lady. Supermodel? An anchor woman? And my roommate said "Dustin Hoffman!!!" I looked around, "where??!! "
Hm,... as you might have guessed.... the little man beside that georgeous lady is Dustin Hoffman. And I missed that.
Thinking that the fan is the celebrity, I missed the actual celeb.
Then Dustin walked away.
Sigh....
...
...
Anyway, my point being is that timing is everything. Had I not lingered around waiting for the band to play 'the song' I would have missed Dustin out and about on the street. And on the extension on that point, "everything happens for a reason". That should be my next motto beside "Total world Domination".
Secondly, I need to jump as fast as a cat the next time I see a celeb. I hesitated for a few seconds and Dustin vaporized like dust.
Next time, Dustin,.... you mark my word, I'll get you next time. No matter how scary I'll appear to you.

It Ain't Over Till It's Over

People say, what can't kill you will make you strong. And my boyfriend once told me that, which I immediately answered with "yeah, but it can make you want to kill yourself voluntarily".
See,... this past week I've been having a pretty tough blow. I have to leave my job temporarily, until... well, to be honest, there is not definite answer for that. Though, the longest will be half a year.
I am not claiming to be a strong gal. But this blow did not bring me down. Why? I don't know.
Shocker?
YESSSS... for those who truly know me, I panicked pretty easily.
I told my boyfriend about the news, and he panicked. I had to calm him down. Then next stop was my mom & dad. Mom was okay, she's calm no matter what anyway (why didn't I get her gene on that department?). Dad was not as okay as mom. And ever since, trying to infuse me with a thousand ideas on how to survive here. I told him very nicely and very implicitly that I’m not listening to him.
I know I will survive. How? By breaking my piggy bank?
Nope. I’ll make it a surprise as for now. Just to build the suspense. He he he. And nope I’m not planning to sell drugs or be a pole dancer (I’m not bendy).
Then I told my best friends. Were they shocked too?
You betcha. But, I think my dad tops them all. Which on another subject makes me think to better-filter any bad news when it comes to my parents. I always thought I can tell them anything, no matter how bad the news is, they’ll be even stronger than I am. But I guess; now I need to start taking care of their mind well-being.
I told my roommate, I don’t think this kind of bumpy road is for everybody.
But that’s what makes my life colorful. Because it is not blunt. It’s not monotone, it’s not one color. It has some black spots on the pink. Purple on the orange… yuck… on the second thought, change the orange into lime green. I’m a bit phobic to any shades of bright orange. That color only looks good for veggies and fruits.
And so, I am announcing, shamelessly, that I’m jobless for a few months. And that I’m touched, that my boss and supervisor are waiting for me. And instead of getting someone new, they decided to wait up. And hire a temp.
And I have to say that my coworkers are very compassionate and supportive. For only the 2 and a half months that I was there, apparently they have considered me as part of their family.
I want them to know that, like wise.
As for now, the time away that I’ll be having, I’ll embrace it with joy & bravery. My glass is half full, not half empty.
And, yes my dear,…. Apparently you are right, what can’t kill you will make you strong. I hate to admit when you're right, but this time I’ll let you win.

-Id imperfectum manet dum confectum erit-