Gotta Make Them The Same Size

I had a dream that it was my wedding day and my hairdo was a pair of buns on the lower sides of my head, right above my neck.
And one bun was bigger than the other.

Okay, first of all,... the hairdo was uuuggly.

But nevermind that...
More than anything, I, who likes everything divided equally in the middle, felt like my OCD was kicking in (yes, even in my dream).
I tried so hard to, either make one bigger or the other one smaller but I couldn't and the event organizer popped his head in and said: Come on. It's time. You're walking down the aisle. Now!

And I started cursing in my head and start running down the aisle (still cursing in my head),... then I woke up.

Now,... what the heck does that mean?

I tried to tell my boyfriend about it, but he just laughed and laughed... especially at the part where I tried to make the stupid buns have the same size.

I looked old, she said...

Wow... I had some kind of Lorelai Gilmore v.s Emily Gilmore moment a couple of days ago when I talked to my mom on the phone.
I don't know if I am being sensitive or what, but it was quite something:

Mom: I saw your vacation pictures the other day. Your hair is really long now. And you don't look good when you are wearing your hair down like that. You look better with your hair tied up.
Me: Yes, mom. I know you never like my hair long. You like my hair short. But I am growing my hair so I can donate it.
Mom: That's fine. But, tie the hair. Your face does not look nice with the hair down like that. You look old. Actually older than you actually are. You look like you are at least 35.
(Ouch... )
Silence....
Me: Sooo... are you going somewhere fun today?

The After-Math of my Vacation

I went on a vacation last week for a few days leaving the never-get-warm weather of the Midwest and headed to the east coast. I went to Washington DC and New York. I flew there and met up with my boyfriend who was already there for some (yawn..) Church seminar, then we drove from Washington DC to New York and then back to Chicago.
It was a much needed vacation as I haven't been to one since a long time. The vacation I had last December when my parents were here didn't count, as I had the big task and pressure to please the guests and make sure that they had a good time.
And the year before, I went home to Jakarta and that was also not at all a vacation, as I had the big task and pressure to please my family and my boyfriend's and make sure everyone had a piece of my time.
But this time. It's just me and what I want to do together with my boyfriend.

After arriving back to my home sweet home, I did quite a lot of self-assessment. Involuntarily, if I may add because it made my head spins, but I thought I jot them down:

One and foremost: I love traveling. It's like finding a dormant hobby that I never knew existed. Ten years ago, when I still lived with my parents, they traveled quite a lot and I got dragged to places, from Hong Kong to Hawaii to Tokyo to Vegas. I didn't mind that, but I can't remember ecstatically embracing it. Now I know that I LOVE traveling. But... without the tour guide, without a schedule, without a chartered bus, without the polite chit-chat with the fellow tour members,... AND without my family. And that makes me feel guilty, because, I know how much my mom loves traveling with me.
Am I being mean and insensitive?
I still need to figure out why that is.
My mom has been asking me to join her and my dad to their Europe trip, possibly this year. And they were saying a couple of weeks ago that they, might be going back here to my place and wanted me to join them to Florida this summer, and also to see the Niagara falls from the Canada side. And for all of those offers, I tried to fake enthusiasm... but I actually cringed inside.
I'm so going to hell.


Second conclusion of my self-assessment: I find out that for once, in many years, I did not check my emails and I was fine. I checked my emails (the personal ones) only once for the entire trip and only replied to one person, and that person was you, Daniel, and it was a short one too.
I did not even log in to the work emails. And I was okay with it. Being away from work actually fix my perspective on life.
How my work is not my life, and it shouldn't be.
How I should work hard and play harder.
That I should live up to my favorite quote I put in my facebook page: "Just living is not enough" said the butterfly,"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."

Third, is that I'm old. It took my entire weekend to recuperate from the tiring trip and lots and lots of sleep. Granted, I did a lot of walking, miles and miles of walking, but still, I used to be fine after a day of rest.
I'm no seventeen year-old anymore. I just have to accept that in two years, I will be a seventeen year old times two.

Fourth, my dog, Bandit is a big-time spoiled-rotten rascal. I was lucky enough to find a lady who was willing to take care of him. Bless her heart. She's an angel and Bandit really tested her. He chased both of her cats back to the bedroom, for 5 days the cats never got out from there. She took him for a drive and he barked at people. One time he got away from the leash while she took him out to do his 'business'. He ran around the park jovially while the lady almost got a heart-attack thinking that he would run away.
The lady gave me a book to read, and I didn't took it in a wrong way, because I know Bandit has issues and I think I'm a big part of the root-cause. And according to the book, a dog needs to have exercise, discipline and affection. In that order. And I have been doing it backwards, if not only giving him the last part.
And now I'm terrified that I will subconsciously do the same thing to my future kids and they will grow up to be the pompous jackasses that I bumped into all my life and that I hate.
Sigh,.. one more thing to put in my worry-wart list.

I told my boyfriend once, I hate it that I am so complicated. Sometimes I think maybe, being a blond empty-headed ditsy gal for a day won't hurt at all. I think they sleep peacefully at night without worries. Me? I never have a dreamless sleep since I was in the 6th grade.
But anyway, if I have the chance to be that gal, let's do it over the weekend when I am not on-call.
You know, I still want to keep my job.