I have forced myself into some Mariah Carey, the happy, cheese songs, to uplift my mood.
I've been in this gloomy, shadowy mood these past days, I feel like lord of the dark. I have enough of 'the drugs don't work anymore', enough George Michael (his suicidal mood album - Older) and I have enough of Prayer for the Dying by Seal.
I know why I'm all depressed and in a constant bad mood, partly because I have this suppressed mourning of my dead 110-year-old horsey faced dog, but I think, it also have something to do with many other factors, namely (now, hear my bitch about my world):
Big project at work that's crushing me to death (I know I'd survive this and become a better developer after this, but, heck... I'd be better but black and blue), hyper / ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) boss, annoying co-workers (also hyper and ADD), lack of communication with boyfriend who is busy with his dad's health and mom's... don't know what, best friend going back home for good, and let me just summarize another source of my depression into 3 words: preparation for wedding. I don't even want to go there.
Not to mention the fact that I am almost 30, and I wonder where the heck did the last 10 years go... oh,.. yeah,... right: went to school till I dropped dead and worked my ass off, also till drop dead.
I knoooooooow i know, the glass-half-full people (I used to be one) would advice me to look at the bright side, blah blah blah... but I feel like bitching.
When I was younger, I thought, I'll grow up, move out and be independent.
Well,... I'm here, all grown up, moved out, and independent.
...
...
...
Now what?
I also thought, then I have no curfew, no one can tell me what to do and when to go home...
Now that I can go to the clubs till I literally intoxicated with alcohol and should be brought to the hospital, I am ready to go to bed by 10 pm. Have no desire to go clubbing to see people rubbing against each other (yuck), drinking apple martinis till the world spins and have the worst hangover the next day and have some drunken guy grope my butt or asked my how I am doin'.
Let's face it, my era has passed. The wildest experience I had lately was going to Denny's and order myself some very large greasy, 'cholestrolful', breakfast. Even then, I can't get over how gross it was for the whole day, I was completely bloated.
Sigh...
Okay,... I'm going to bed.
This Mariah has gone 1 octave too high. I just have to shut her out.
p.s. I shut her out and play some Stan Getz. See how old I've become???
6 comments:
hi bluecactus,
next thing you know... you'll be wearing your pyjamas to the supermarket..with your hair in coiffs...and buying huggies for kids..."shudder".... or...have you done the pyjamas thing already...? :-)
btw... my music for feeling blue, is michael franks album "dragonfly summer'..
you should try. the song " How I Remember You" always seems to make me feel better....
failing that, Bill Evans is always nice..
Guess I'm a much more straight-forward person.
"Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My head" is good enough for me.
What can I say... I AM a true blue simpleton.
The key however, is to sing along and coreograph your own silly dance to the tune.
Repeat application when necessary.
(Note: Might be a good idea to do a video of this, for a reason that you should be fully aware of)
^_^
I don't know what my happy songs anymore... I guess none works lately.
sigh...
What I've been trying lately is writing my prayer. I read somewhere on the net, that instead of saying your prayer, try to write it, like writing a letter to God. I know, you are not such a religious person, but why don't give it a try?
Anyway, don't freak me out about losing the last 10 years for school, arrrghhhhhhhh
Good luck with your wedding :D.
Not a religious person??? Hey,... you don't know, man. Not going to church doesn't mean not talking to God on daily basis. Ask my roommate. We even went overboard one time and almost burned the hallway carpet down. Ah,... the good old days...
Heheheheh, sorry.... never thought that you say a prayer everyday :D.
Post a Comment