My Man of Honor

I am amazed how long has it been since I came to the wake of my childhood friend. It's been 5 freaking years. I had never felt that abundant hatred towards anything ever in my life. Ever. I did not cry when my dad told me that morning that he got an early call from one of my friends, passing the news that my dear friend had passed away.
I sat there.
In my living room, not knowing how to feel. That part is a total blur for me, even until now.
Then I went to the funeral home and saw his parents there. And his mom broke down on my shoulder, muttering all sorts of random pieces of his last hours. His mom said he called my name. And I, despite the enormous regret of why then none of them called last night so I could come and have my last goodbye, just hugged her closer.
Then she said she knew that he always loved me. And I hugged her even tighter and told her that he's finally at peace. And we should be thankful that God had taken away his pain.
It's a weird sight. I should be the one who was weaker and crying. But I did not shed a single tear.
Then on my way back home, I'd finally been able to cry. There's just me and my dad. I totally bitched out how he betrayed me. He promised me that he'd survive from all the disgusting drugs he was consuming. The drugs that would made him stupid and slow and futureless. The drugs that were just bringing him down. When he tried to quit he would puked out blood, then there was blood in his feces. His pain was beyond words. He would disappear for a few months on rehab and called me after he's out. Then a few weeks later called me again and said he failed. Again.
The drugs had cost his family one big house for medication and rehab.
And stupid me just thought that death wouldn't be an option for him. My childhood best friend. He was the one ready to knock-out every guy ever made me cry (that's why I never gave out any addresses). He's the guy who loved me knowing that I would never ever love him back the same way.
He's the guy who, then, settled to be the best friend and be happy for me in whatever I do with any man I choose.
He's the one who once told me that I deserve the best in life. I deserve the best man there is on earth. I deserve all happiness from a very deserving man.
Well.... dearest friend, I found him. The man you were talking about. And we're getting engaged next month.
Had you survived, I would've asked you to be my man of honor.
If only, Dude...