Send In The Clowns

I got friends emailed or texted me left and right after my last blog entry,... which was really nice. I think there the compelling need from my side to say thanks. So, thank you.
Although, I didn't mean to make it sounded like a high octave drama when I madly typed it. So, so sorry if you guys think I was about to gulp down a glass of clorox or something stupid like that.

I guess, life is about ups and downs. Not that I don't know that, but I just have to prepare myself for more downs after some downs. I was mad. And, btw, I still am. And I don't know if it is more of the mad side or, actually, the frustrated side. Anyhow, I just read that meaning of the title 'Send in the clowns' the infamous sad suicidal song (Barb Streisand) was to refer to the fact that in the circus, traditionally, clowns are summoned to distract the audience attention, when disaster strikes.
That would be, the best song for me at the moment, although, the actual song seems to have something to do with a one sided love, which is not my case.

This past week, I've gone through the break down phase, then, mad phase, then now, the withdrawal phase. I guess?
I don't know anymore, but I know that I am mad. To fate.
I know. Dangerous huh? To be mad at fate, for all you know before I finish up this entry, I might have already been struck down by lightning or something, regardless the fact that I am indoor.
Karma comes instantly, right, Nad?
In the effort to bring me to see this from a better angle, my roommate presented me with the logic that if I am mad with fate, then since my fate is in my own hands, then it means that I'm mad at myself.
Then the bitter me answer that this is not something that I can hustle with my own hands, because it's not a fair game and I'm not in control of what I can do about it If it is something I can hustle, then I would and I'd deal with it.
I was pretty much determined to be bitter. But aside from the bitterness, when I am mad, I tend challenge back whatever it is that made me mad. So, my madness has gotten me saying to my fate that I refuse to be broken down like this. So,...
Bring it.
Bring it on.
Whatever that I need to go through, bring it.
And I'll survive it.
Let it pour since it is already raining anyway.
I'll be soaking wet, but I'll survive this. One way or another.

So, right now, my set of clowns are working hard out there with the bicycles, umbrella, balls, throwing pins up in the air. I think they're gonna have to be out there for quite a while. I'm even preparing my second shift of clowns.
So send in the clowns. Shift after shift after shift.

Disaster will end sooner or later. And full of bruises I might be by then, but I'll survive this.