My fish, Chilli died today.
He used to be mine but since I'm such a freak & depressed-prone, my boyfriend took him away. I would be watching him and panic on every indication / symptom that he is sick.
But he died, finally.
Not floating but staying at the bottom. upside down.
Sniff....
I used to have another fish before this one - Gin (inspired by Gin and tonic, my boyfriend has Tonic & I took Gin). But on the day he died, I was so depressed. It caught me off-guard, right after I went home from work then, bam! He laid at the bottom, upside down (apparently my fish didn't float like the conventional way when they died).
The funeral service in the bathroom was also awful. It was just me and the dead fish & I had to flush him myself and I was hyperventilated from crying.
And after I flushed, I worried that he might still be alive.
What if....
At that point I realized that I've gone nuts.
And I let my boyfriend took Chilli away. For my peace of mind.
I think I suck at goodbyes. Especially the eternity kind of goodbyes.
To my friends back home: this is why when I was about to go to US, I didn't really make it a big deal out of it. You guys had to practically drag me around to go to the get together.
Now you know why, ...
Because I hate to flush you out from my life.
1 comment:
Nicely composed, Ms. Bluecactus, I'm totally impressed by your writings.... one dead fish might be unmissed in this world, but at least the memoirs of Chili will live longer than the actual fish... :-)
Which comes to this point. maybe if we can mechanise a fish, probably we don't need the emotional connection, and just replace the damn battery or turn it off.... would that be better for you ?
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