The cold from the snow storm 2 days ago has really started to creep in. All the snow building up is no longer white. Plus, people stepped on it and make it hard & slippery. This week has been really hard for me. Job wise, weather wise and I don't want to complain but on top of that I miss home.
Have you ever find yourself in a situation where nothing can cheer you up (not even a glass of well-mixed apple martini, or purchase a bunch of bath and body works items). And that the snow that you usually love seems just like another tropical rain that you've had all your life. The sky is gray. The bus is late. Or too early & left without you. The problem at work is unsolvable.
When you’re too busy, and later on, too tired to call your boyfriend. When you hate the taste of your lunch, and that super chatty guy at work starts to bug you too much & you just want to smack his face with something like, your shoe or your monitor. Seriously, that guy should find something else to do.
Then the smell of your mom’s pillow started to fill in your head. And you just had this short array of memory flashes rushing through your head, of how her hands looked like, and how they feel against your skin. When you walk side by side with her and you’re just 3 feet tall. Her voice was just so clear, you were talking about food, or your dogs, or how your day went. And you complained about something that's been bugging you and she just ease the burden away in a snap of fingers.
And sometimes you fell asleep side by side on her bed and the warm Jakarta breeze just brushed against your skin and then the dog jumped up the bed and, as usual, kicked you on the head so you'd move aside a bit to give her some space. (she always did that).
Outside, the neighbors passed by. And that crazy rooster just yelled again on top of its lung. Man! It’s three in the afternoon for crying out loud. Get a grip...
And then, right there, in the midst of all, you got sucked back to reality.
There I was. Sucked back; standing, in the cold, windy, dark parking lot, waiting for my bus.
My chest hurt from the mental twinge of the distance we had - 23 hours away of flying.
I've never felt lonelier.
I miss her face, her cooking, her presence, her smile, her soft voice, her laugh, the way she draws her eyebrows, puts on her lipstick and sprays her perfume.
Every tiny bit thing. The way she says hello on the phone.
She soothes me like nothing else could.
I miss her, the most beautiful woman in the world.
1 comment:
Homesick eh? Well.... thats what you call human emotion. You hate everything like you want to kill everybody, you miss home, and just feel that everything is wrong. But the emotion is things that make a colorful life. You wanted to go home so much that you keep going to work, expecting that time will come. Meet your mom, nephew, old friends, old foods, etc. Can you imagine of life which you never miss something? A life which is so predictable, like everything has been pre-arranged?
Anyway, I think you can use a vacation. I got no idea of how much your new job has suck you up, but I think you can use 1 or 2 days or maybe 1 week holiday. Going back home might be OK, although I think spending the return trip will nullify the vacation :D.
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