I remember campus.
Not the one in Chicago.
But the one on the other side of the world.
I had long hair, then I cut it short.
I remember sleepless night before presentations.
I was never a public speaker. I knew what to say, but the silence got in the way. Froze my words.
I remember scheduled Saturday calls, with a high school sweetheart. I sent him letters.
He sent me tapes.
I loved him. But then I grew apart. Adulthood crawled in and shoved me questions after questions.
Doubt after doubt.
Then I stopped loving him. I loved someone else.
I cared, but no longer loved.

I remember feeling guilty. I let him still called me once in a while.
Drunken with alcohol and emotion. Called me names, profanity, breaking appliances, then hung up on me.
I bore it, because I crushed him, and hence, I deserved it.
Then I got heartbroken.
Karma came instantly.
I was tired of deception, arguments, anger, tears and courtship.
I remember I swore off men.
And I went away from it all. Started fresh in a tiny empty apartment with a view to a parking lot.

I started with 2 friends. Both picked me up at the airport.
Six luggages.
I sent my parents home and I didn't cry.
Then I have another friend. And old acquaintance.
He called for old time sake. Then we met up.
I remember going to the lakeside. All I talked was my heart and how it scarred.
He's a good listener. Mainly because, he didn't judge. Didn't take side. He just sat and listened.
Then we all start having weekly fun, me, him and another old friend. We were best friends. We still are.

I remembered ended any form of communication from the past.
I was done mourning.
I also remembered noticing one morning that I was no longer angry. No longer in pain. No longer hating.
I read somewhere a long long time ago: The opposite of love is not hate. It's ignorance.
I no longer hated him.
I just didn't care anymore.

Then one boring day, I randomly chatted with someone.
Amazingly we had something in common.
My high school sweetheart.
Then the mystery was revealed. He wasn't faithful anyway.
Parties and girls.
To think about all the blame I bore myself of that breakup, bore his anger by the phone. All the name callings.
I was angry but relieved. Life is weird, I hadn't even been in any chat room in years but that day.
So he deserved being dump after all.

Then I remember enjoying being single.
Single-hood is awesome. I don't get why some people get nervous being single.
Then almost after a year, I remember a first kiss after the third bottle.
Then dates.
Puzzled on why he didn't sway and swoon me with words.
Amazed by how I could still feel he cared.
That was new for me. I couldn't explain.
I remember ice skating, drowning in the city lights. Picnic by the lake shore. Learning guitar.
I remember feeling loved and most importantly, happy.
I think I know why fate let me had all that heartbreaks.
So I get smarter and smarter when choosing for 'the one'. It is tricky. Sometimes we are blinded by the bling bling from outside, mislead and we overlook the inside.
But not anymore.

I have graduated.
I got an A.
A plus.