Stop The Darn Clips

Arrrgggghhh...
This is the fourth time in the past 1.5 hours that I saw the clip on the TV on Saddam Husein before he was executed, with the Noose around his neck.
I completely get it. He was a narcissistic brutal dictator who killed thousands of lives and had rapists sons and as much as I'm not in favor of capital punishment, I guess there are thousands of people cheering this execution to happen.
BUT...
Do the media really have to expose his final moments like it's some cheap clip about Britney /Lindsay partying?
I went to CNN and saw links to different video clips with title like: 'inside the execution chamber', 'Hussein in Hangman Noose', 'Hussein Body Wrapped in Shroud', and many others.
I thought, despite everything, Saddam's final moments should stay private. And mind you, not everybody is in favor of seeing the clips. Like me, my boyfriend's been playing channel hopping eveytime those clips start popping up on TV. Because he knows I don't want to see it.
I think this is just a cheap way of 'some people' to show to the public that 'justice has been served'. Oh please... we are sooo far away from justice if this is the closure.
And, by the way, where is that weapon of mass destruction? Has anyone check Saddam's armpits or bushy beard? Maybe he hid it there.

The Laundry Procrastinator

I know, I should be doing my laundry by last week. But, up until now, not only I didn't do any, I keep on adding pile over pile. I don't remember when the last time I did my laundry, but it seems like yesterday, which is actually impossible, unless you life in my world. But in real world, real calendar, I would say over a month ago.
Now, who says that girls are clean?
No, they are not.
They look clean, but not necessarily do.
I look clean, but I have lots and lots of dirty laundry...
For real. Literally.
And instead of start dragging my butt and do it, I choose to sit here and blog.
I'm the ultimate laundry procrastinator.
Now, you might start to think... how do I manage for my under garments?
The answer is: I have plenty of them, you wouldn't believe.
I however should clarify though, that I don't do side A - side B thing.
Ew.
But back to my laundry issue, I buy new clothes to avoid doing laundry, and the new clothes eventually end up in the laundry pile.
The more I buy, the more I pile.
This is a very vicious cycle.
And I don't know how to breakout from it.
(Unless, for the obvious, of course, that I do the laundry).
Sigh... and I think I have bought more than enough clothes. Since, I can see the laundry piling up, and yet, in my closet, the clean ones never seems to decrease.
Like a doraemon magic front pocket.
I'm amazed.

I got a very nice present from my boyfriend for my birthday.
A big giant picture of miniscule me standing in the middle of the woods after a snow storm.
He gave it to me with a nervous look on his face that I might not like it.
But I love it.
More also because I've been thinking about doing the same thing.
He read my mind.
Ah,.. great minds think alike.

I am ... 30

Okay,...
This is it. Point of no return.
I am officially being yanked out from the 'twenty-something' league.
And in the office, people kept on saying "'welcome to the league!" which, sigh..., honestly I responded with a very wide forced grin.
Anyway, I woke up just now, in the middle in the night, thinking: man, I really am not feeling happy about this.

I got an interesting text message from my sister though: Happy birthday, wish you all the best. You are sleeping, aren't you? Hey, is someone going home to Jakarta? I like that Bath and body lotion, my heels are cracking, give me two bottles, OK? Get me some with very nice fragrance. Thanks.
Heh.. as much as I love my sister, I do wonder why she can't talk about her cracked heels any other day.
But... good that she remembers though. It could've been worse. That's what I told myself.
Now, the text message from my bother is like this: Happy birthday, it's from me and your sis in law. Your nephew will sent his birthday wishes tomorrow, when it's the 22nd over there. He's terrified of wishing you birthday now, coz people told him it might shorten your age.
Made me smile, with a thought, shorten my age? It won't make a difference, I'm going downhill from this point anyway.

However, now that I am thirty, I thought, I have to try to make this positive and cheer myself up or I'll look back when I was 40 and regret the fact that I wasn't having fun.
So, I'm going to spend a day in the old 'hood, downtown that is, and have a nice lunch with my boyfriend.

As much as I hate turning 30, I am thankful though, that I am well, and in a good place in life. Good boyfriend, good career (somewhat, sigh...), good family, good friends, good health, financially independent, a little money in the piggy bank, still have hair, no visible grey ones (yet), still fit in the wedding dress (but we'll see after tomorrow), and having a nephew whose afraid of me having short age which is flattering.

Now I have to go back to bed, claim that beauty sleep, because let's face it, there are eye bags that might appear that no 30-year-old can cover even with the best make up.

I spent the day with my boyfriend.
Two more days ... two more days.

I realized I have some beers in the fridge. My boyfriend has given up drinking, so I might as well just start gulping them all and be merry & happy.
Hiccups... hiccups...
Or!!!
I can throw them away since beer = calories.
And calories = fat.
And getting older = slower metabolism.
In other words, the beers = fat butt.
Nice...

Three more days.
I told my boss I'm taking a day off tomorrow and on my birthday to sulk.
He let me took them.

I spent my day on meetings today. I wonder why my boss likes to talk so much. He really really really likes meetings. I think meetings are just political fantasies. Useless. Especially the long ones.
Although, I must say, today's meeting was very tensed and interesting. A coworker vented out on my boss, It got so tensed I thought he was about to choke him.
Prove that respect has to be earn, and can't be demanded, even if he is your damn boss.

I'm out.
I need my beauty sleep.

Okay...
This is the count down to my 3oth Birthday.
FOUR days to my 30th Birthday.
It is scary being old, but it is scarier if when you start to feel old, you also realize, on top of that, that you haven't done much with your life.
That sucks big time. And that's how I feel right now.
What have I been doing these past 10 years? I don't freaking know.
Also, I do notice the lines on my face that weren't there ten years ago.
And I also realize that I don't know what I want.
I always want something else after I get what I was chasing.
The only two things, I think, that I'm content is:
1. My education, because, you can kill me if you want to, but I'm done with school. If I ever want to go back to school. Just shoot me right in the head.
2. My boyfriend, 'nuf said. If someone can handle my tantrums (not to him,... but just accept the fact that I have tantrums about many things in life, namely: the maniac drivers, stupid boss, crazy co-workers, the weather, etc), then we have a winner!!! Because, let's face it, I'm not the most sane person around.

Today I'm still 'twenty something', but in four days, holy cow, oh my gosh, heeeeep...
Grasp...
I'm thirty.
I think this call for a mourning and some really delicious martinis.
Someone please hold my hand!

Grandmas Inc.

It's been a few times already that I came along with my boyfriend to his church on Saturdays.
Honestly, I am not going for the church. I went because I love my boyfriend and I want to support him. Plus, I have the responsibility to poke him when he falls asleep (just kidding, hunny).
So, one by one, people in the church start picking up my name. And I got to know some really nice people. I don't know what's up with that church, but about 90% of them are old people. And by old, I mean 80-90 something year old.

As I come to know them, I find them such sweethearts. Well, I have a soft spot for sweet old grandmas. I just find them so loveable.
Every week, after church they have potluck and we sometimes join them.
Amongst them, there is this one grandma who can't stop talking. Leaving only little chance for others to talk. Oddly enough, one of her stories is that she was a very shy young girl.
Another grandma is very Elizabeth Taylor-ish. She is a freaking ninety-four year old. She has her health, her matching suit and purse, a lovely well-colored bright red hair complete with the also-matching hat. I thought, now that's what I'm gonna look like when I'm 94. And throw in a Porsche while I'm at it.
But one grandma that I really fell in love is the grandma who came to me and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek thanking me for coming with a dish for the potluck. A very motherly kiss. Not just a peck, but a big hug and a really hearty kiss. I sat there feeling all warm and touched.

I heart grandmas.

And the best part of it, the grandmas have husbands too. Well, not all of them, but some still do. And I look at them sitting together, eating and they still haven't run out of conversations or jokes. They are still enjoying each other's company. Hard to believe, I know, in this wretched, cruel world, where even someone who had a wife like Jenifer Aniston still cheated on her for another woman then called it 'being inspired'.
I thought, man, that's how I want my old days to be. Wrinkly. But not with just with age lines, but with smiles & jokes. Sitting, breaking bread and sharing a cup of orange juice with my guy, whom I poke once in a while in the church to keep awake. And preferably, I want to keep my teeth, but if I can't, then I hope by then I have a great dental plan.

Ally Is Here!

My dear sweet friend from back home reserved me (upon request) the complete series of Ally McBeal. Yes, all seasons. The DVDs were bought by her, then picked up by my parents, then given to my cousin. Then with her, travelled back half way across world to US. Then being forgotten for a couple of weeks, then finally they were sent to me.
So, I just want to say:
...
Happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy!
(Together!)
Happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy!

I'm thankful for this thanksgiving weekend.
It gave me a chance to catch my breath and recharge, as I'm going back to the Gaza Strip tomorrow (aka 'the office').
All this free time has also gives me the chance to put things into perspective. That life is trip, and it's about the journey - not just the destination. (This applied to my other problem areas in life too, because I'm convoluted and troublesome).
And, Carpe Diem! is my new thing, inspired by Samantha in Sex and the City who's always smiling because 'worry face expressions' will leave wrinkles. Now, it is bad enough that at this age (hahaha... I just said 'at this age' as if I'm one-hundred-and-four) I don't have a beauty regime because I don't have the patient & enough will to do it. But to undo worry expressions, I might be able to pull it off.
So, I'll let you know in a few days.

The Real War Crimes

If you can't click to the clip, click here.

This is a short clip of some US soldiers waving a bottle of water to a bunch of thirsty Iraqi children.

There's a lot of things that I want to say about this. But every time I typed down some sentences and I ended erasing them. This appaling, disgusting and inhumane. What arrogant bastards.
In twenty years or so, they'll going to tell people that they had fought for their country and brag about how much they suffered.
Yeah... right.

A cry from a bottom feeder

My deadline is approaching and I almost die out of stress.
I don't like my workplace anymore. Let alone the project, because it is actually the highlight of my daily routine now, even though I'm not done and as the result I'm doing extra hour work on the weekend and evening.
Lame life.
I know.
A person told me, that with jobs, comes the politics. It is a package and you can't avoid it.
But, I sure want to bitch slap everyone in the office who makes our lives (that're already hard as it is for us, the bottom feeders) even harder.
And I have the philosophy not to bring work to home which I always I try to abide. Now, what I meant is not to refuse doing extra work at home, which is fine, because that is part of the responsibility. But to go home with extra baggage about non-work-related issues that had happened in the office.
That I don't like.
But, I guess there's nothing I can do about things that are out of my control.
To add to that, I know some confidential news from my old boss who's now is up and above in his career ladder which will actually be quite disheartening for some of my coworkers, but will benefit me.
Man.. 2007 will be a hell year, because even if this upcoming event benefits me, I'm sure more politics, issues, bickering, and even more politics will come our way. And as if the s*** that had hit the fan is not enough, I'd imagine that cow dungs will also fall from the sky. Complete with the smell.
Sigh...
Tired...

This morning, as always, my tv went off at 7 and I had set it always on E! Entertainment. A channel full of celebrity gossips, useless information like, where Britney grew up, or the struggle that Tyra had when she was an awkward kid who was as tall as a coconut tree.
But this morning, I was thinking. Let's see what's going on the world!
And switched to NBC's Today Show.
Matt Lauer was babbling about something.
Then I went to the bathroom while still listening to it.
And all of a sudden they are talking about.
Tom Cruise.
Now, I thought Tom Cruise would just stick to E! Entertainment Channel.
But, nooo...
It was reported that this weekend he'll get married with Katie. And yesterday, Katie went to a store and bought 4 lingerie items and 2 boxer shorts.
Four lingerie items!
And two boxer shorts!
I can't believe they reported that on the news.
The world has gone mad.
And I thought the headlines has gone berserk when they put headlines like: "TomKat has touched down in Italy" or, "The dress has arrived in the hotel".
But...
Four lingerie items and two boxers I think tops them all.

Soooo...
My mom's had her 60th birthday last Saturday (on the 11th). I called her in her morning time and chatted with her and wish her well. Dimcorner also talked to her and wished her a happy birthday. Aw... so cute, the two of them communicating.
It is kind of sad not be able to be there for her big six zero, but I guess that's how it would go now, wouldn't it?
So as the compensation, since my whole family was going for some sushi for my mom's birthday, I also went for some sushi here with Dimcorner.
So to sushi place we went!
It was raining hard here and it was chilly. If it was not because of my mom's birthday, I would have cancelled the dinner plan, but we went anyway and we binged.



That's my hands holding a couple of pieces of bonito.

I really admire my mom on her 'getting old' issue. She chose to enjoy it rather than sulking on her age.
Way to go mom!!!
And she makes me have no reason to sulk over my upcoming birthday when I'm going to join the big group of 'thirty something".

Ah,.. what is age? Just a number that anyway you can lie about.
Hah.

GO TEAM BRITNEY!

Usually I don't really blog a lot about celebrity gossip unless it really affects my state of mind (or in other words: it pisses me off or tickles me so). But after a few days of holding my giggles back, I just have to laugh out loud, roll on the floor, peeing my pants... hahaha... Britney Spears is getting a divorce.
Sigh...
Man, I'm not laughing at the painful divorce she's gonna have, knowing that K-Fed (or as the media labels him now as Fed-ex) would try to squeeze every single dime that he might be able to get his hands on and make a fool of himself. And now Britney has said that she would give pictures of his children for free which I bet to prevent Fed-ex to sell the babies pictures.
Anyway, I'm laughing at how BLIND can love be. And how damaging blind love is.
Huh. Because, even I, bluecactus, who's not always can smell losers from afar, can tell that pesky Fed-ex was bad news just from glances at the TV.
But I guess every one of us needs to be a fool in love, at least once in a lifetime. And now, Britney, somehow, has gotten mentally slapped and woken up & smelled the coffee. I wonder what kind of slap it was.
I bet now in LA they'll be starting to sell t-shirts, one that said: TEAM BRITNEY, and the other one is TEAM KEVIN.
In that case then, go team Britney!
Kick his a**.!!

Ain't being an adult grand?

You try your best to be an adult. Think like an adult. Act like an adult. Be responsible like an adult. Voice your opinion like an adult.
Because you are. Demographic wise, a twenty-nine-year-old person is an adult.
You are independent, you work to support yourself, then if possible, try to invest. Start thinking about money management, considering the future, a place to purchase, a car to buy, your job security, how many kids you will want to have.
Then you also think about your family, the ones who used to take care of you. Now, the table has turned and you are taking care of them. Might not be financially, but could be emotionally.
You used to think your parents are all that. That they were the best, that you wanted to be like them when you grow up. Now you see that they are mere mortals. With flaws and actual weaknesses, that, in fact, you start to support.
You know, being an adult is almost like eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and bad in Eden. Because, once you eat it then you know. And everything afterwards is about consideration. And making the right decisions.
At this particular moment, that John Mayer lyric chimes in in my head "quarter life crisis".
I think, that's what I'm having but four years too late.
Sigh...
having said that, being an adult is great.
Really. I don't want to exchange this with another 10 years of adolesence, the period of life when I thought that I was the ultimate ugly duckling, just trying to fit in a cruel society.

I think I just need a nap.
A long one.
Heck, make that a hibernation phase for a whole winter.
I'm tired.

Is it bad if I start buying new clothes to avoid doing laundry?

I was driving with my coworkers to a client lunch the other day when a male coworker told me that I drove like a man.
That was after I accelerated and passed the yellow light and after I 'only rolled' passed a stop sign instead of completely fully stopped.
I laughed and and jokingly said: hey,... is that a compliment or an insult?
He said while grinning, he's also impatient and has been driving with the same style too.
Then a female coworker who sat in the back jumped in the conversation and said, hey, it is not good to generalize people like that, you know.
I smiled and thinking ironically about how many gender jokes emails I and my other female coworker have been receiving from her.

Don't we all generalize people up to a certain level? Like, men are all sloppy. That car darted like a maniac, the driver must be a man. Women are all bitches. Women don't know how to fix the plumbing. Or, old Asian ladies don't know how to wait in line. Heee... that one is personal experience from back home. Give me a bunch of aunties lining up for something. I don't think I ever saw it worked. Especially for something enticing and free.

Me, I used to think that all men were bastard. Well, you see, I wasn't really all that lucky in relationships, hence the bitterness.
However, I gradually forgot that I thought that men are all bastards. Mainly because I realized that I knew quite a few of she-bastards too, and I then met nice men with good hearts.

Although,... let me tell you a little experience I have. I hate it when I'm driving on the highway and I bumped into a car that is slow... but on the fastest lane. For crying out loud, why does it have to stayed on the fastest lane?
And when I pass those suckers, most of them (if not all) are women. Or old gramps or grandmas.
I know... generalization.
But I guess there is a reason why women drivers' car insurance cost is different than men.
Which one do you think is higher?
Men.
Hah!
You thought it would be women, didn't you?
Well... considering that women drive like turtles having a leisure walk, statistically, the impact of the accident won't be as bad the the guys, whom I mostly saw have been darting and zigzagging left and right on the highway, 100 mph, like he's actually trying to get killed (and bring some people with him along the way).

And statistically, I think, it might be true that most women might not know how to fix a broken plumbing and most men don't know how to cook, but I bet there are wives who are better in fixing plumbing problem than their husbands. And women who don't cook and have chefs as their husbands.
So, having said that and statistics aside, I started to stop generalizing people, especially the heavy allegations like all men are cheaters (or bastards, or assh***,wait... I meant a**hole or many others accusations). And stick with personal remarks like: Andy is a bastard, because he is. Rather than saying all men are bastards.
Hehehe... fair enough?

My dear nephew just got a cellphone.
Nine year old kid with a cellphone.
And, to my surprise, he's not extraordinary for having a cellphone because the school now allow cellphones, although with a very strict set of rules, like no phone while school's in session (which leave them to... what? 15 minutes recess?)
I remember my days when I was nine. The cordless phone hasn't even been invented yet.
And now, my dear nephew starts on sending me text messages to me from Jakarta, which I love because it's really cute, but it also makes me scared how vast the change of childhood experience that he has compared to mine.

It was mortifying enough that when a few years after my high school years, I saw high school girls with make up. Make-freaking-up.
I remember thinking, those kids, minor kids, plug their eyebrows to get the Krisdayanti effect. They butchered their innocence with their make up. But it was nothing, I guess, compared to nine-year-olds with cellphones.

Now, my sweetheart sends me messages almost daily, without fully knowing the concept of our time difference that it might be 2 am my time when he sent it. And he's busy telling me what he's doing (I'm eating doughnut or I'm going for a swim), and asking me questions like when I'm going home (which I answered, when I'm becoming a bride, on which he answered: wow... a bride, how cool!).
And as weird as it might be, I embrace this phenomenon joyously, may I say, a bit of relief.
I always fear that he'd forget me.
First he'd forget my face, then finally totally forget that he has another aunt.
But now, I'm relieved.
That kiddo hasn't forgot about me.
That I exist in his world.
That I matter.
That he misses me.
And that feeling...
it's priceless. Heartmelting. Joyful. And just plain wonderful.

Finally my buddy left for good. I, being a loner, have almost totally lost all of my hangout friends. One more close friend in downtown, then I'm totally out.
For some reasons, though I was (and am) sad, I didn't shed tears, maybe because I have high hopes for him to have a better & greater future back home. So, though I am sad, I am anxious & excited for him too.
I arrived here with only two persons waiting for me, one was my roommate and the other one was him. And now, his journey here ended with me standing by the gate until he disappeared from the crowd. Funny, both took place at some gates in an airport.
Fate does have its satiric little jokes.
People come, people go.
And life goes on.